The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/27/06
I like your title, and the idea of people entering heaven at their pirme.

This is a bit heavy on adjectives. Consider finding strong, active verbs and interesting nouns to better convey your meaning and avoid "flowery" sentences.

The part about the people falling into hell was good and scary!
08/29/06
Great descriptions, and I love the whole idea of this. Would love to see you expand a bit. Great job!!