The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/17/06
There is much truth in everything you wrote here! Consider adding personal examples or anecdotes, to make your piece stand out from others with similar themes. Thanks for writing this!
08/21/06
Perhaps this could have been expanded to include some of your own personal experiences and what you learned from them, whether good times or bad. (But don't worry, you wouldn't have to share the most painful things.)

This is well-written, and I'd encourage you to stretch and grow next time!
08/23/06
I agree that a personal example or two would help. Also, I woud have started just by quoting the two songs. The introduction of "When I thought of this topic..." doesn't draw readers in. Expand this with personal examples, reword the begining a bit, and this would be a great piece!