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Topic: Thump( 05/30/13)
By Linda Gage
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Thump-thump went my heart, bringing on a single terrifying night that I have not forgotten since. I lay awake unable to sleep when thumping burst from my chest. It was very sudden and alarming. My eyes grew and darted, but I couldn’t see a thing. It was dark in my apartment. I crawled to the kitchen for fear of fainting. Gulping down 2 glasses of water did not help. I curled up on the floor, clutched my chest and stared at the clock, watching the minutes pass for the next 3 hours as the thumping came and went. Fear encompassed me that night over 33 years ago.
Pitter patter went my heart in anticipation of walking down the aisle. I could see my future husband waiting for me. My heart raced with excitement for this moment. We had only met 3 months earlier which made our marriage seem impetuous to others. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to be with him all the time and forever. Just as every time I saw him or heard his voice on the phone, my heart went pitter-patter with every step toward the altar. Happiness filled that day 29 years ago.
Lub-dub goes the heart as the medical professionals describe it. I went to college to become an ultrasonographer. I take pictures with sound. In my field I have seen hearts beating from pre-born to over 100 years old. It is very fascinating, from the excitement of parents looking at their unborn baby’s beating heart to an older person’s anticipation of what the ultrasound exam will determine is wrong with theirs. Though the sharing of the lub-dub with them can range from joy to anxiety I find satisfaction in knowing that I have helped others for the past 24 years.
Crack-snap went my heart one Sunday. I sat in a church listening to the pastor speak about Jesus. Something was happening to my heart and I didn’t know if I should stay seated or run for an ambulance. Just then a sunbeam peeked through the stained glass window and onto on my face. I stayed. The pastor continued, “God sent Jesus to die for you. He took the punishment for your sins!” I felt a literal hardness fall off my heart. God loves me? This concept seemed unreal. The sunshine warmed my face while the Son melted my hard heart. This was my rebirth. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and peace overwhelmed me on that day, 23 years ago.
Flutter-flutter to absolute silence. Silent as a brick was what I thought as I laid my head across my mother’s chest. Just a few short minutes before I could hear and feel her heart beat and then it was still. Just like that- strokes happen, brain activity ceases, decisions need to be made. With her children and their spouses surrounding, her heartbeat when from flutter-flutter to silence. Indescribable sadness and unanswered questions overcame us on that day, 6 years ago.
What makes the heart beat? The better question is, ‘Who makes the heart beat?’ Only God can create, start and stop a heartbeat. I know this. Nowadays, instead of fearing the thump-thump that my worries may instigate, I take my troubles to the Lord. I relish every pitter-patter moment with my husband. I accept the continued cracking off of the sin from my heart that God shows me, thanking Him everyday that my heart goes lub-dub. I will continue to thank God until the moment my own heartbeat goes silent as a brick because from that moment forward every day will be filled with celebration in the presence of my Lord and Savior, Jesus.
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