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| TITLE: Hope Was a Vapor... | Writing Challenge By Chely Roach 05/07/09 | ~ 2nd Place  LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT ADD TO MY FAVORITES |
| Member Comments | ||
| Member | Date | |
| Steve Uppendahl | 05/07/09 | |
| Ho-ly crap. Amazing story. Amazing descriptive phrases throughout (including the title), but raw and understated emotion still come through. Impressively done. Powerful. | ||
| Sara Harricharan | 05/07/09 | |
| Good job here. It seems there is more to this story than just this short excerpt. Thanks for sharing this-great job. | ||
| Charla Diehl | 05/09/09 | |
| Let us never forget the horrors of the holocaust--this haunting slice of history was well written and emotional on many levels. | ||
| Mona Purvis | 05/10/09 | |
| This is a very compelling story, well-told. Most likely lived out time and again. I'm not sure it was on topic. Maybe, I missed the connection. But, I enjoyed the writing. Mona | ||
| Sharon Kane | 05/11/09 | |
| No chord is foul enough to tell the pain of the holocaust. Your telling was suitably brutal and the title was perfect. I guess the in/out was how she was forced onto the train and then escaped off it? | ||
| Sonya Leigh | 05/11/09 | |
| Such hardship is hard to imagine, but it must never be forgotten. It also helps us remember the sufferings of our fellow brothers and sisters who are presently being persecuted for their faith. Thank you for this poignant glimpse into one small corner of the Jews' sufferings---and so well written, too. | ||
| Shelley Ledfors | 05/12/09 | |
| A very stirring and poignant portrayal. Your descriptions put me right into the story. The tie-in to the topic is definitely there, but not overt. Very well done. | ||
| Kristen Hester | 05/12/09 | |
| Exceptional writing. Bravo. I see the topic. Subtle, but definitely there. Great job. | ||
| Betty Castleberry | 05/12/09 | |
| Last minute effort? It reads like a masterpiece. I was enthralled from first word to last. I will say I struggled just a bit to catch the topic, too, but I believe I understand. This is bold. Two thumbs up! | ||
| Bryan Ridenour | 05/12/09 | |
| Super great writing and I think right on topic. Loved the quote at the end also. Well done. | ||
Rachel Rudd  | 05/12/09 | |
| This is well put together from beginning to end! You captured the hopelessness of that time so well...May God forbid that it ever happens again. The topic I saw going in and out of the train....but maybe there was something deeper I missed? | ||
| Connie Dixon | 05/12/09 | |
| Wow, incredible. Every word got my attention and drew me into the next phrase. Great job! | ||
| Yvonne Blake | 05/12/09 | |
| Wow! Very descriptive and sobering! I wondered why a Jew would make the sign of a cross? Well done | ||
| Karlene Jacobsen | 05/12/09 | |
| I definitely see the topic threaded in there. This is an amazing story. It took a brave and selfless mom to push her daughter to jump; also the bravery of the girl to actually jump and live | ||
| Patricia Herchenroether | 05/13/09 | |
| So real, so painful to admit that fellow human beings committed these atrocities. A very powerful story and well-written. | ||
| Diana Smith | 05/13/09 | |
| Emotional, painful, gripping. So well done with pictures I wanted to turn away from, they were so raw, and an MC that I wanted to hold close with love. Beautiful. | ||
| Gregory Kane | 05/13/09 | |
| Powerful, authentic writing. One thing that struck me as unusual (but fitting) was the way that the girl was urged to conceal her Jewishness (removing the armband, making the sign of the cross) so as to preserve her life. As Christians we rightly honour those believers who cling to their faith in Jesus even in the face of intense persecution. But not everyone will make that same choice. And when it's a little girl, it's a very hard call to make. | ||
| Verna Cole Mitchell | 05/13/09 | |
| Riveting--awesome description and story line. You're a stupendous writer! | ||
| Sheri Gordon | 05/13/09 | |
| Wow. Wonderful writing. Incredible story. Very good job with the topic. | ||
| Loren T. Lowery | 05/13/09 | |
| So glad I was able to read this. Outstanding, authentic writing, powerful and riveting. I was right there on the train, kicking the slats, urging escape to live. Kudos! | ||
| Lollie Hofer | 05/13/09 | |
| Riveting story of a sad, sad time in history. May we never forget the horrors of what millions had to endure. Thanks for sharing this remarkable story. | ||
| Lyn Churchyard | 05/14/09 | |
| Moving and well written story. Well done Chely :-) | ||
| Joy Faire Stewart | 05/14/09 | |
| Incredibly written story of a horrific time in history. I found it riveting. Amazing! | ||
| Dee Yoder | 05/14/09 | |
| Your story made me want to go Google "escape stories from Nazi trains"! I want to read about those--I've not read of this type of escape story before, but I'm sure many did this, knowing that to stay, was sure death anyway. Riveting and sad, but that little hope at the end for the daughter was the embodiment of the title. | ||
| Janice Fitzpatrick | 05/14/09 | |
| Wow! This indeed is a compelling well told story! You surely deserved winning hon. Thank you for writing this!God bless! | ||
| Verna Cole Mitchell | 05/14/09 | |
| Woo Hoo for you! Congratulations! | ||
| Sheri Gordon | 05/14/09 | |
| Congratulations on your EC. Incredible writing--as always. :) | ||
| Myrna Noyes | 05/14/09 | |
| CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 2ND PLACE EC for this moving, haunting piece! I appreciate historical settings for stories and have an interest in the WWII era. This was excellent writing! :) | ||
| Eliza Evans | 05/14/09 | |
| Hmmm. I thought I left a comment on here. I must have forgotten to click submit. (blush) Sorry about that! Anyhoo...WONDERFUL WRITING. (naturally)Excellent atmosphere. Love the build up in the first few lines and the scenes on the train. The whole story felt authentic and oh, so sad and tragic. Very well done. Congrats!Congrats! :) | ||
| Carole Robishaw | 05/14/09 | |
| My stomach tied up in a complete knot and tears came so I could barely see to read. I will be thinking out this one for a while. Thank you for the reminder that we live in a time of freedom. | ||
| Connie Dixon | 05/14/09 | |
| Congratulations, Great job! | ||
| Glynis Becker | 05/15/09 | |
| Completely enthralling. The descriptions and the characters were so well done in so few words. My eyes welled up and my heart broke...wonderfully done! | ||
| Marita Thelander | 05/15/09 | |
| I don't get to take time to read entries very often, but Chely, I am never disappointed with anything you write. Thank you for sharing your gift with us. When will you share with the world your gift of words? Congratulations. | ||
| Loren T. Lowery | 05/15/09 | |
| Michele, I was so pleased to see this beautifully written piece place so highly. Your use of words and phrasing are impeccable. Congratulations - well deserved, indeed! Loren | ||
| Rhonda Schrock | 05/19/09 | |
| I love the title. You did a wonderful job of portraying the emotions without cheapening or over-dramatizing them. Excellent writing! | ||
| Christine Dunn | 05/19/09 | |
| This was excellent, though so harrowing. I couldn't help but imagine the horrific scene as I read. Well done. | ||
