TITLE: The Saddest Conundrum
By Donna Wasson
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The Saddest Conundrum
I am in mourning today. Not over the death of a person or pet, but of a relationship. A friendship with someone I’ve never even met. Let me explain. My dog unexpectedly passed away earlier this year and I found this man online offering Christian counseling for this very situation.
Now, don’t misunderstand, as a happily married Christian lady, I’m not in the habit of forming online relationships with men, especially married men. But I'll have to admit there was just something about this guy. You know the type. A charming, manly, larger than life, self-proclaimed, “Hard charging ex-military commander who used to love a good conflict.” What proved to be irresistible was the contrast between that and the melted marshmallow he has for a heart.
I tend to be precise, assertive and impatient. But I also have a heart that can be downright maudlin at times. It doesn’t take much to cause tears to flood my eyes at the most embarrassing moments and my emotions run very deep.
Since this fellow is approaching geezer-hood, I figured it was safe, so with the blessing of my husband, I began corresponding with this gentleman and we hit it off, so to speak. It was like having a know-it-all big brother I could pick on and tease and we both enjoyed the interaction.
He was quite knowledgeable about the Bible and I enjoyed asking him tough questions and hearing his opinion and theories on things not specifically mentioned in scripture.
Poor guy didn’t stand a chance. Since I instinctively knew we didn’t see eye to eye on certain topics I deliberately baited him just to see how much of a tizzy he would work up trying to convince me he was right. It seems we are both opinionated hard heads.
I think Mr. Military was not used to being challenged. I am rather well-versed in the Bible myself and can be brutally frank at times and the irritation between us grew to be palpable. However, neither of us would back down and that, along with his concern that our relationship might become too personal, proved to be our undoing.
Oh, how awful the final emails were; so full of anger, accusations and even name calling! I am plum ashamed to call myself a child of God. I can just picture Christ looking at me, hands on hips, a sad smile on his sweet face, shaking his head in sorrow.
Now that the anger has subsided, how can I ask forgiveness from a person who refuses to answer my emails, and understandably so? Colossians 3: 13 tells us we are to practice, “Forbearing one another and forgiving one another, if any man has a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” Yikes!
So I find myself facing the saddest of conundrums; a can’t-live-with-them, can’t-live-without-them relationship that was not good for either of us. And now communication has been severed. It is an unfortunate situation between two stubborn, overly sensitive sinners. Thank you Lord for your saving grace!
I will continue for quite some time to grieve the loss of my irritating, hard headed, funny, sweetheart of a friend. It is painful not seeing his email messages waiting for me. I miss the teasing. I miss the debates. Even though I know a close relationship with him is probably not possible this side of heaven and both of us are equally at fault, I just pray that some day I will have to opportunity to ask his forgiveness for the inexcusable words thrown his way.
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