TITLE: For the First Time 3/30/15
By LaVonne Wood
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND
For the First Time
My favorite class in college was creative writing. I learned a lot from the knowledge of our wonderful teacher Miss Nancy. Lately, though, she wasn’t teaching writing all that much. She said she felt the Lord wanted to heal some past hurts in our lives. Consequently, this brought up some feelings of anger caused by some things in my past, and I didn’t want to experience more of those feelings.
Because it was a Christian college, it was acceptable to forgo normal class routine in order to do ministry, as the Spirit led. Miss Nancy was especially sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit and the needs of her students.
I considered not going to class even though I had never missed a class since the day I started College. I didn’t want to mess up my perfect attendance. However, deep down I wanted to deal with this anger building inside me. I just didn’t know how.
Class started as usual this time, giving me hope I could get through the hour. Try as I might, I could not concentrate on the lesson. I just kept thinking about the past and wondering what it was that was causing the angry feelings. Did I really forgive my father for all he had done to me? I thought I had. I kept remember the first time when I was only twelve years old. Would I ever be free from the pain?
Miss Nancy ended the class by giving an invitation for anyone who wanted to stay and talk to do so. “I still feel there is someone who needs a touch from God,” she said.
Several other times I wanted to stay after class, yet never did. This time, though, I couldn’t seem to move. Tears began rolling down my checks. Soon it was just me and Miss Nancy left in the classroom. She asked if it would be all right if she called another woman in to join us.
Nancy pulled up a chair beside me and both women held my hands. “Would you like us to pray with you?”
“Yes. I think so.” I felt so scared.
“Have you heard of inner healing?”
“Well this is what I want you to do,” she continued.” Close your eyes and, in your mind, go back in time and picture the very worst day in your life. However, this time, take Jesus with you.”
Immediately my thoughts went back to that night when I was twelve years old. I saw Jesus standing there with me, watching as my dad raped me.
“How could You? How could You let this happen?”
I was so angry with Him for allowing this terrible thing to happen to me. I began beating and beating Him on His chest with my fists as hard as I could. I began sobbing and shouting.
“I hate You! I hate You! I hate You! Why didn’t You stop him?”
He just stood there and let me keep pounding Him until all the anger was gone.
I stopped beating and fell into Jesus arms. He wrapped His arms around me, holding me tight. I looked into His eyes and said, “I forgive you.”
At that moment, I felt ‘LOVE’, for the first time!
There is no way to describe the depth of love I felt that day and I have never questioned His love for me since. Jesus did not need to be forgiven, yet as long as I felt anger toward Him; I needed to forgive in order to be set free. I have learned that free will has given man the freedom to choose to sin and cause harm to others. Although the Lord can protect us if we ask, He cannot stop free will. However, He can use our past hurts for good if we will let Him.
I believe now that forgiveness is the key to freedom to love God and others. I will never forget the love I felt from Jesus that first time.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.