By Kelly Cilano
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Word choice, structure, point of view, and tightness of writing to create the picture from the first person narrative is what I'm looking for. Thanks for your critiques and time.
The Up & Down Alley
“My sister and I always like to go to the Up and Down Alley. Our Daddy takes us there when he has time for a walk.
We get our pink sneakers, my sister has sparkly ones, and we ride our bikes. Most of the time my sister is carried and Daddy pushes her bike. I’m bigger, I pedal.
We go down the street almost to the middle, where the sidewalk goes up and down and sideways to the wash. The wash is very big and we can’t go in there too close because there might be snakes. We don’t like snakes or spiders, or lizards and we scream really loud when we see one. Besides, I’m allergic.
But when Daddy goes with us we can run in the Up and Down Alley. We can jump and I can pedal my bike. I’m learning to pedal real good. My sister isn’t as old as me so she watches so I can show her how to do it. But most of the time she lets Daddy push her and that makes her happy too.
When we go down to the Up and Down Alley sometimes it is after dinner. We can see the sun getting ready to put on its many colored covers and go to bed. Then Daddy says it’s time to go home.
We go back home and go inside. Just like the sun, we have to go to bed too. Thank you Jesus for my Up and Down Alley”.
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