TITLE: Intelligent Designs
By Kaylee Blake
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Intern 1-Christian, college senior
Intern 2-Christian, college senior
Doctor White-Evolutionist scientist, life’s goal to make life from non-living materials, gone slightly mad from spending years on his life goal without success
Props: one white smock/coat for the doctor to wear, two small desks or one large table, two chairs, an assortment of books and papers, two pens/pencils, two clipboards, a small vial (perhaps a perfume bottle) with a small amount of colored liquid (ex. dyed water or perfume)
(scene opens with Intern 1 and Intern 2 sitting at desks/table filling out papers)
Doctor White: (voice comes from offstage) Aha! Yes, yes, yes…almost…keep it up…no! No, no, no! Not again! Arrrgh! I almost had it! Must try again…
Intern 1: (shakes head sadly) I wish we’d been warned.
Intern 2: I know what you mean. I thought this would be a great opportunity, working under the brilliant Doctor White. But I had no idea that someone so brilliant could be so…so…
Intern 1: Mad?
Intern 2: Exactly. You know, I always thought the “mad scientist” thing was just a stereotype, but then I met Doctor White.
Intern 1: Had I known that he was so entirely consumed by this one futile experiment, I would have asked for an internship with someone else.
Intern 2: Same here.
Doctor White: (voice coming from offstage again) This is it! I think I have it! Finally-
Intern 1: (to Intern 2, while Dr. White keeps rambling on) Ten bucks says it’s another false alarm.
Intern 2: I’m not taking that bet.
Doctor White: -after sixteen long years, I finally have it! (Runs onto stage holding small vial with colored liquid inside, thrusting it in the interns’ faces) Behold! Life!
Intern 1: (grimaces, waving hand in front of nose from the “stench”) Are you sure?
Dr. White: (scoffs) Am I sure? Of course I’m sure! I’ve never been so sure in my life! (wags finger in Intern 1’s face) I don’t have a PhD in Chemistry and Biology for nothing! (turns to the audience) I have created life from non-living materials and I am the first to ever do so! (puffs out chest with great pride and satisfaction)
(Interns 1 and 2 exchange doubtful glances and then pick up their own clipboards and go to stand on either side of Dr. White. Throughout the rest of the skit, the interns should be periodically taking notes on their clipboards. Intern 2 reaches out to touch the vial, but the Dr. pulls it back.)
Dr. White: (to Intern 2) Do not touch, it is very fragile. (turning towards the audience) This (thrusts vial forward) clearly proves that there is no God!
Intern 2: Um…pardon me, sir, but…how so?
Dr. White: (rolls eyes dramatically) Well, you Christians believe that there was some God-Intelligent-Designer-Being-Thing that created life millions of years ago, right?
Intern 1: Well, actually, we believe that God created life only-
Dr. White: (interrupting Intern 1) But I just created life out of artificial materials, so that proves that there didn’t need to be an Intelligent Designer at the beginning of the earth.
(a dramatic pause)
Intern 2: (slowly) OK, then. Are you saying that there was an Unintelligent Designer that created life?
Dr. White: (puzzled) Huh?
Intern 1: Sir, how did you create this “life”? What was the chemical formula that you used? The process?
Dr. White: (with great superiority) Oh, it is much too complicated for you interns to understand. Only a truly accomplished genius with a PhD, such as myself, could comprehend the formula and process in its entirety.
Intern 2: So you’re saying that there wasn’t an Intelligent Designer that created life thousands of years ago. Instead, it was a Truly Accomplished Genius, with a PhD.
(during the remainder of the skit, Doctor White should become more confused and frustrated and angry; the interns’ questions should come rapidly)
Dr. White: What? No, not at all. No one-
Intern 1: (interrupting the Doctor) If the process and formula is complicated, and all the ingredients are non-living with no means of movement, then how did all of the ingredients of life get gathered together in one place and in the right order?
Dr. White: Pardon me?
Intern 2: And Who, or what, set the very complicated process in motion?
Dr. White: Well, it was a spark.
Intern 1: A spark from what?
Intern 2: And how did the spark get set?
Intern 1: Could you give me the scientific classification of this specimen?
Intern 2: Can it sense and respond to changes in its environment?
Intern 1: How does it extract and convert energy to meet its needs?
Intern 2: How does it reproduce?
Intern 1: Does it have DNA?
Intern 2: Can you tell me-
Dr. White: (interrupting Intern 2 and shouting his frustration) Enough! Stop it right now! I will not tolerate disrespect from mere interns! (Stomps over to desk/table, sets down the vial, and begins to shuffle through papers looking for something.)
Intern 1: Sir, we weren’t trying to be disrespectful. We just want to learn from you. How are we supposed to understand this new experiment if we do not ask questions in an objective manner?
(Dr. White continues to shuffle through papers with a scowl, ignoring Intern 1)
Intern 2: (excitedly) Yes, and thanks to your new marvelous experiment, you’ve clearly proven the theory of an Intelligent Designer. You yourself said that the creation of life is such a complicated process that only a truly accomplished genius-
Intern 1: (interjecting) with a PhD!
Intern 2: -could perform it. Sir, science is indebted to you forever.
(suddenly a persistent beeping is heard)
Intern 1: Oh, that’s my watch. It’s noon.
Intern 2: Lunch break! (Starts to walk offstage)
Intern 1: We’ll be back in half an hour, Doctor White. Don’t you worry. (catches up with Intern 2)
(Interns 1 and 2 exit the scene)
Dr. White: (Plops down in a chair and mumbles sarcastically to the audience) “Don’t worry” they say. Yeah, right, I’m so concerned. Gosh, what would I do without them? Gee, I don’t know, maybe I’d actually have some real interns who were my intellectual inferior who would grovel at my feet and worship the ground I tread on. Now those are the kind of interns I need! Not these new Christian interns. “Christian scientists” they call themselves. Whatever. Everybody knows that religion and science don’t go together! (notices the vial of “life” setting upon the table, picks it up and scowls) Life, bah humbug! (sets vial down angrily, gathers an armful of papers and stomps off the stage, in the opposite direction)
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