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What Really Happened to the Dinosaurs?
Not For Sale
Author requests article critique
Kale sighed gustily as he settled into the seat cushion of the transport. The flight attendant made her way down the aisle and served Kale his chosen beverage. He didn’t indulge in the stronger liquors very often but on this occasion he savored the rare brandy with pleasure. “In just a few more hours I’ll be out of reach of all communication modes,” he mused. And never had he needed a vacation like this more. The pressures of his modern life and the demands on his time were terrible. Even if it was more or less the same as what everyone else faced. Once again Kale both blessed and cursed the inventors of the cochlear cell phone that made his fortunes possible but also made him available twenty-four hours a day no matter where in the world he went. When the Lunar base and the Phobos station had been networked in, even a minor ‘business trip’ could no longer bring him some rest. So when the Marscorp merger had finally closed escrow Kale felt he had finally earned himself a real vacation.
As the transport neared the wormhole Kale got excited. He tried not to show it since he didn’t want to advertise his newbie status to the whole compartment. When he had first boarded he had looked around a bit to observe his fellow travelers. It seemed there were several groups like him; businessmen and women looking for a vacation out of range of their own cellphone implants. But there was also a contingent of scientific types. They were probably conservationists going along to study the dinosaurs in a vain attempt to save them or some other nonsense. Kale snorted at their stupidity. After all, everybody knew the dinosaurs became extinct many millennia before man even knew they had existed. Just because a wormhole had been discovered that could connect modern people to the late Triassic period on Earth they thought they could now do something to save the stupid beasts. But basic paradox theory said that would never happen. And that principle was about as theoretical as evolution.
And that’s what made these safari trips so great, he thought. No moral dilemma about hunting these animals. No restrictions on importation of trophies. And nobody gets upset about someone wearing a nice pair of stegosaurus boots…just a relaxing vacation with no phone calls and no worries. That’s just what Kale needed about now. And here he was, about to arrive at the wormhole where he would be transported to Earth at a time before mankind, much less technology, had arrived on the scene.
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Reader Count & Comments
02 Jun 2006
Enjoyed reading the beginning of your story and would like to read the rest of it. The concept of paradox fascinates me!
02 Jun 2006
14 Mar 2006
Sorry I took so long to get back to you on this. I was gone a lot this weekend and today just got away from me.
Time travel through worm holes to hunt dinosaurs sounds like a pretty interesting idea and cellular phone implants are possibly inevitable the way weâ€™re all so dependent on them nowadays. :)
As far as suggestions, Iâ€™d try breaking up the paragraphs a bit so itâ€™s easier to read and expand on this. You could show whatâ€™s going on through dialog with another passenger, rather than just telling the reader. Like when you say there are scientific types on board, that would be a good place to introduce a new character for Kale to talk to.
They could have a side conversation to introduce Kaleâ€™s thoughts about the futility of their efforts. Then through their conversation, you could expand on the paradox theory a bit.
Iâ€™m not really sure how the story explains your title, so maybe the paradox theory being explained would help tie it into the story.
Also, at the beginning when he gets his drink, you could show the dialog between Kale and the flight attendant to add a little action which would involve the reader more.
This is a good start. Let me know when you get a revised version and Iâ€™d be happy to look it over for you too.
14 Mar 2006
I enjoy sci-fi and found this an easy read, but would have liked spacing between paragraphs. Dialogue would have been a good addition, too. I can't tell from your article - are you using Kale's thoughts to say that dinosaurs existed millions of years ago? Although the word dinosaur isn't in the Bible (the word came about in the 1800's), dinos were created on day six, along with humans. I like the concept of this article, and would like to see another chapter.
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