On a bulletin board:
New Club Available!
Are you tired of hearing that so-and-so has said this or that about you? Do people whisper mean things behind your back all the time? Looking for a new way to deal with the harshest of criticism, the most undeserved of cutting remarks, and all manner of negative statements? Here is your answer!
Tuesday evening at 6:30 in the multipurpose room, join us for the launch of the Club for Excessive Self Slander in Public, the Office, Outdoors, or anywhere in Life, CESSPOOL!
*You will learn how to ?beat them to the punch? by saying unkind things about yourself.*You will learn the many categories in which you can slander yourself, such as regarding your appearance, your job, your finances, your marriage, your home, your parenting, your intelligence, your lack of special skills, and the list just goes on and on! It is so easy!*You will learn how to ignore troublesome details while carrying out the business of self-sander; details like facts, history, witnesses who can contradict your tirade with truth, and, most importantly, God?s stamp of approval.**As indicated in our clever acronym, you will learn the many, many locations where you can self-slander with increasing skill.*Remember: unlike the legal definition of slander, where negative information has to be spoken, self-slander can simply be a thought that never has to be spoken out loud. You can dwell on it, expand the original thought over a lengthy period of time, and learn to really soak and simmer and splash and swim and swallow all the self-slander you want until you truly believe these not-necessarily true things you have told yourself.*A hidden little secret: self-slander sometimes provides you with a reason to refuse to change, or a decision to decline to try, or a convenient excuse to fail.
Sound good to you! Of course it does. Come one, come all; there is room for everybody. See you Tuesday!
*Disclaimer: Participation in this club may not be compatible with participation in Christianity. See Genesis 1:31a (NIV): God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.