Family
Hermes And Grace
She'd seen him before, but only in pictures. And those were 15 years old.
But it was him, no question about it. She looked down at her hand and saw it was shaking. Fortunately the champagne in her flute was almost empty, so it wasn't spilling onto the floor.
* * *
I left my room at Sutton Place and rather than grab a cab, decided to walk the 6 or so blocks to the Vancouver Club. The rain at least for now, had stopped and I cherished the brisk walk down to Hastings Street.
On the way I passed an Hermes store and it occurred to me that I didn't even have a gift. An Hermes blanket lay neatly folded in the corner of the display window. An Avalon, ecru and dark gray. 10 minutes later I was back on my way to the Club, bearing a huge orange, box in bag.
I was so nervous I could literally be ill. I'd recently reacquainted with The Lord, and long overdue. I prayed as I walked, a beseech-meant of sorts. A plea for the strength to accept this invitation. Robyn wouldn't even know me, I thought.
I knew the invitation was a formality. I knew I wasn't expected to show up. I knew I had few friends and many enemies in the halls and rooms of Vancouvers most prestigious club. And I wanted to turn and run and never stop.
I walked up the few steps that led from E. Hastings to the entrance. The ceremony had been several hours earlier. My invitation was specifically for the hours that followed. It was more than I deserved.
As soon as I climbed the stairs to the banquet room I knew it was too late to turn back. I'd already been recognized by several people, some of them relatives, all of whom had looked at me disapprovingly. I was in a hostile environment. I was a pariah. The absent father. The neglecter of the young and needful.
*. *. *.
The room was full, a celebratory scene. Robyn was having difficulty navigating her way through guests, the majority having had too much to drink. I saw Meagan at a table near the bar, surrounded by admirers. She didnt know me. And didn't want to.
*. *. *.
Robyn was stopped on several occasions by people that wanted to kiss the bride. But he was still there. She'd just seen him. Out of no where a hand grips her shoulder and spins her around. Her mother is a little flushed and clearly enjoying herself. Under the circumstances Robyn would love to shake her loose. Her mom isn't particularly intuitive, a master at saying the wrong things at precisely the wrong time. " Oh Robyn. You didn't really think he'd show up did you?". " Even for a free meal, he'd never show his face here ".
Robyn doesn't answer and excuses herself. "I'll be right back".
*. *. *.
The busiest place in the banquet room were the doors that led to the stairways. I said " thanks, but no thanks" to a pretty young girl with a tray of champagne. It was torture. Booze was flowing everywhere, and I knew that the alcohol would settle my nerves. But I hadn't drank a drop for almost 22 months, and just the sight and the smell of it, turned my stomach. I'd quit drinking the day I learned that Robyn was getting married. In the unlikely event that I was invited, I wanted to be someone she could be proud of. Someone sober.
I moved against the wall to the back corner of the room. I knew I'd recognize Robyn. I had saved every TV Commercial and every advertisement she had done as a younger girl.
I scanned the dense crowd and tried to find her. And then there she was. . Her wedding dress was merely window dressing for one of the most beautiful young ladies I had ever seen. She was walking toward the main doors, clearly looking for someone. Could it be me?
I highly doubted it.
I watched her as she met her bridegroom, a chance encounter at the back of the room. The love was tangible. This was her man, and I had to suck it up to deal with the fact that she had a whole new life now, and chances for any long term reconciliation were slim. Even as an addition, I could never improve her life.
What if she were embarrassed by me? What if I were a major disruption? This was Her Day. I somehow made it out of the room and back down the stairs and out onto the street.
*. *. *.
Her love for Spencer had apexed that very night. They bumped into each other at the back of the room, very unexpectedly. Robyn had looked everywhere, and her dad was no where to be seen. Spencer held her for a minute and said "it'll be okay". He was full of adrenaline, and moved quickly past her and into the crowded room.
She was overwhelming with anxiety now.
And then there it was. She saw the box first, and then the faint but unmistakable smell. Givenchy Gentleman. A 30 year old recipe that no modern cologne designer would endorse. There were dozens of presents piled high beside the guest book table. But the large orange Hermes box confirmed he'd been there.
She went down to the lobby and through the main doors to the street. A taxi was pulling out from the curb. A second taxi already had the rear door open and without hesitation, Robyn climbed into the back seat of the car. She was embarrassed by her instructions. "Follow that cab". How drama queen was that? The driver quickly made up the distance between her and the taxi she followed, as it turned left and headed South on Burrard St. 5 blocks later, the taxi pulled into the U shaped driveway of the Sutton Place Hotel. They pulled up to the curb and she watched her father leave the taxi, and go into "Gerards", an intimate piano bar. A refuge for the affluent.
*. *. *.
I chose the table in the far right corner and ordered San Pelligrino. I seriously considered something strong, something with a kick to it. After all, Id quit drinking for Robyn, although she would never have a clue.
I sat there in the corner, a defeated man. I didn't even have the guts to face my daughter on her wedding day. My failure as a father was an abscessed wound, a regret that I'd live with till they rolled my body into the all consuming flames of the crematory.
Better soon.
*. *. *.
The girl in the wedding gown walked into Gerards on a mission. Every eye turned her way, this beautiful unaccompanied bride, stood scanning the room. She gets immediate attention from every person in the opulent lounge. Even the songstress hesitates noticeably, her cover of Carole Kings, 'Youre So Far Away', has to begin again, from the beginning of the verse.
The bride proceeds straight up to the bar and asks Sal if he had seen a man come in, just in the last few minutes. "Mr Rae?.". "Yes Mr Rae. Is he here now?".
*. *. *.
I hadn't taken my eyes off her since she'd entered the room. Nor had anyone else. Beautiful brides in beautiful gowns, rarely enter Gerards unescorted
and alone.
And then she saw me and my heart couldn't stand the pain, a deadbeat dad with a poised and beautiful daughter. As she walked toward me I started to cry, an unrestrainable reflex.
*. *. *.
Robyn was beyond the point of feeling embarrassed. She had an agenda. She was married now, and she wanted peace. Sal had, unbeknownst to her, been pouring her dad drinks for 25 years. He knew all about Robyn. He knew all about her fathers failures. When he looked into Robyns eyes , he looked into the eyes of her father. And his emotions were challenged. "He's over there in the corner". As she turns, Sal speaks, out of line. "Take it easy on him, Robyn".
A man she's never met, knows her name.
Robyn crossed the floor between her and her dad and when she saw his eyes, and she saw his pain, she couldn't control her emotions. He stood, awkwardly, then she was next to him. She wasn't a hugger. But in the moments that followed they hugged and they cried. He repeated he was sorry. She repeated "it's ok".
*. *. *.
Someone brilliant had spread the word that Robyn was gone. Had apparently hopped into a cab, and disappeared.
The room was chaotic now. The open bar was accelerating the thirsts of most of the guests. Only a handful of people noticed Robyn walking up to the mic and then quieting the crowd.
"Sorry for the interruption, but I have one last announcement to make. My father is here tonight, and I wanted to introduce him to everyone. Dad, would you come up here please?.".
Psalm 103:3
It is He' that forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
dRae
03/11/2012
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