Be a Better Writer--SLANT RHYME

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Cinnamon Bear
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Re: Be a Better Writer--SLANT RHYME

Post by Cinnamon Bear » Mon May 18, 2015 7:19 pm

Here's the link. Thank you for asking:

http://www.bellaonline.com/review/issue ... /p018.html

Cinnamon Bear

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Re: Be a Better Writer--SLANT RHYME

Post by swfdoc1 » Mon May 18, 2015 8:26 pm

Great poem! No wonder it was published!

But . . . I don't think either the rhyme or the meter are perfect--which for me is a good thing (for meter and neutral for rhyme).

The rhyme issue may be a matter of opinion. Some people don't consider singulars and plurals that otherwise rhyme to be slant rhymes; I do (e.g. first two lines--May w/ jays). Also some people, including me, don't consider "identities" aka "identical rhymes" to be perfect rhymes (e.g., 3rd and 4th lines (disregarding the plural)--days w/ yesterday).

Also, I don't think the meter is perfect. I'm not the best at scansion (and it can be partially subjective), but I see variations/substitution; perhaps (?) the easiest to agree on being "Spring calls," "Please take," and "Greed stalked" (?).

But to return to the main point, I think it is a WONDERFUL poem. And YOU'RE the one that has a published poem, not me! :D
Steve
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"When the Round Table is broken every man must follow Galahad or Mordred; middle
things are gone." C.S. Lewis
“The chief purpose of life … is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks. To do as we say in the Gloria in Excelsis ... We praise you, we call you holy, we worship you, we proclaim your glory, we thank you for the greatness of your splendor.” J.R.R. Tolkien

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Re: Be a Better Writer--SLANT RHYME

Post by Cinnamon Bear » Tue May 19, 2015 9:32 am

Steve, thank you for your reply. Perhaps I should not have used the word "perfect" because no one is perfect. Better to say that I am on a quest for the perfect poem.

That said, how a poem sounds matters. Maybe "May" and "jays" technically doesn't constitute a perfect rhyme. But to the ear it sounds a lot closer than does, for example, "twin" and "find".

Regarding meter, the accented syllables are 2, 4, 6, 8. However, I can see why someone might hear, for example, "SPRING calls" instead of "spring CALLS". Before submitting the poem, I tested it on five people and none of them detected a problem with the lines you mentioned. This is most likely because they were hearing each line, not separately, but in context with the entire stanza and the entire poem.

I am seeing many poems that kinda sorta have meter and maybe rhyme every thirty words or so. What disturbs me is there doesn't seem to be any clear standards regarding rhymed metered poetry. :( At what point does it slide into blank verse or free verse? Or even prose?

And what about meaning? I am seeing many poems that seem to be a series of platitudes, interchangeable with a dozen other poems like it.

It is very difficult to attain perfect meter, perfect rhyme, creative wording, significant meaning, melodious sound, figurative language, etc. Isn't that what makes rhymed metered poetry special? Shouldn't we keep on trying?

If a poem has some good qualities such as good word choice, imagery, etc. but the rhyme and/or meter are flawed, I usually advise the person to keep working on it. "Don't settle", I say. But it seems that one can settle. Yet, as Jan points out, 99% of rhymed metered poems are rejected for publication.

In search of the perfect poem,

Cinnamon Bear

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Re: Be a Better Writer--SLANT RHYME

Post by swfdoc1 » Tue May 19, 2015 12:50 pm

I think we just fundamentally disagree about perfect meter. You think it makes for great poetry. I think it makes for second-tier poetry (out of the three tiers explained in the link in my earlier post to the book Poetic Meter and Poetic Form), with a few VERY rare exceptions (such as Robert Frost’s Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening). And, if you are looking for clear standards, this book is widely recognized as one of THE standards.

By the way, I don’t think it is “SPRING calls” or “Spring CALLS.” Per the standard rules of thumb for scansion, I think it is SPRING CALLS. See, for example, here (click on the "Instructions" tab, then scroll down to the section “Rules of Thumb”). The only thing this section doesn’t address is that sometimes the power of the main meter can be so strong that it causes one to change which words are stressed. The next section, “Why Scan,” gets into more complicated issues. BTW, this page constitutes the instructions for a great scansion practice website.

And I don’t think “SPRING CALLS” is a “problem.” Remember, I think WELL-DONE substitution is a good thing (while poorly done substitution is not a good thing).
Steve
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________
"When the Round Table is broken every man must follow Galahad or Mordred; middle
things are gone." C.S. Lewis
“The chief purpose of life … is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks. To do as we say in the Gloria in Excelsis ... We praise you, we call you holy, we worship you, we proclaim your glory, we thank you for the greatness of your splendor.” J.R.R. Tolkien

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Re: Be a Better Writer--SLANT RHYME

Post by Cinnamon Bear » Fri May 22, 2015 3:24 pm

Steve, thanks for the link. I just sent you an email. Let me know if you don't receive it, and I will send it by PM. :)

Cinnamon Bear

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