TracePezzali wrote:Ooh, I've got another question, which is relevant to pacing in a way, but more so on correct grammar and the writers voice.
Omitting the first word of a sentence - the little words.
I catch the bus and have to hold my nose. The stink of body odour is overpowering. I think I'm going to gag or passout.
would be reduced to:
Catch the bus and have to hold my nose. Stink of body odour is overpowering. Think I'm gonna gag, passout.
I find it quite frustrating to read that. Am I the only one? I do understand it could be the character's voice or writers style. What would publishers and editors think?
I think it's definitely a matter of writer's voice. In the example you've given, we're reading the character's thoughts, and people rarely think in complete, grammatical sentences. It would be a way for the writer to attempt to realistically convey what thoughts are genuinely like.
I don't know what publishers would think. As an editor, I know that I'd leave it in, mostly, for authenticity (although in your example, I'd probably put the "I" back in the first sentence, and I'd make 'pass out' two words).
Also, when you're doing html here in the forums, you use brackets [ ] rather than the left and right arrows < > that you use when submitting your Writing Challenge entries. Easier still, highlight what you want to italicize, then click the little 'i' above the box you're typing in, and the html will be added for you.
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