#14--THE WELL-CONSTRUCTED POEM

BusBoss · Post by **BusBoss** » Tue Jun 08, 2010 7:45 pm

Hi Jan

I use Thesaurus.com to find words that fit the meter better without changing the meaning.

I often try to mimic or parody famous poems with unusual rhyme schemes or meters (I've entered a couple into the challenge, too

Like The Challenge ). It seems to help me use various meters more easily.

Would I be allowed to post links to a couple of my poems?

glorybee · Post by **glorybee** » Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:23 pm

Sure, Tim. Be sure to point out one or two specific things about each poem that speak to its construction. I look forward to reading them!

DanielK · Post by **DanielK** » Wed Jun 09, 2010 1:49 am

Well, Jan, that taught me something. I never knew that tankas should be a moment in time, whereas haikus should describe something in nature. I guess that according to that criteria, my tanka would be better as a haiku. Thanks for telling me that. Aren't haikus shorter?

There was a kind writer named Jan
Tormented by a rascal called Dan.
He brought forth all the time
Complex queries on rhyme
And dragons and slayers of man.

I love limericks!

glorybee · Post by **glorybee** » Wed Jun 09, 2010 7:30 am

You haven't tormented me, kid...
Lose that thought--O, heaven forbid!
You're witty and bright
And your words are all right
I sure liked your tanka--I did!

Haikus in English have 3 lines, with a syllable count of 5, 7, 5.

BusBoss · Post by **BusBoss** » Wed Jun 09, 2010 7:45 pm

The one I linked to in the first post was inspired by Jan's class almost 2 years ago. She mentioned Poe's "The Raven" so I decided to give it a try

The Final Plea
This was my very first entry into the challenge. I wanted to keep it simple, but I was careful of the words I used to keep the proper mood.

God's Work
I wanted to try a different meter and rhyme scheme while still telling a story.

I'm Still Here

A simple meter and rhyme scheme with a repeating phrase between stanzas

I don't consider myself a poet, but I was happy with these because they're all a little different. Thanks for letting me post these.

glorybee · Post by **glorybee** » Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:51 pm

Tim, thank you so much for posting these! I love them all-they each bring something fresh to poetry at FaithWriters. All three of them break out of the usual setup of quatrains with an abab rhyme scheme and 8,6,8,6 meter.

You should enter poetry more often!

GShuler · Post by **GShuler** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 1:52 pm

I'm not a poet but I do enjoy poetry. May I offer a potential guideline for writing a well-crafted poem?

No matter what style of poem you are writing one thing holds true: Even though it is expected that a poet's words will "wax poetic", don't be guilty of using too much wax.

I have read a lot of entries that would have been even more wonderful if the writer had only known when enough was enough with the flowery words. Of course, I am suggesting this guideline with the knowledge that I will most likely be incorrect in my narrow view of poetry but I like a poem to make a powerful point with minimal words getting in the way.

Am I wrong?

glorybee · Post by **glorybee** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:03 pm

Gerald, I agree...100%

Verna · Post by **Verna** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 2:10 pm

Jan, I really appreciated your suggestions here. Sorry to admit (although it's plain to see), I most often write in the 8-6 pattern because that 's where my mind seems to run ahead to. I've really appreciated the practice the challenge has offered, along with your past sessions, which have given me lots to try.

I love Jim's poem here, and Linda has long been a favorite free verse poet of mine.

I've been trying to write more in free verse because that's what most poetry contests are looking for.

This is one I entered (that did not win)

I was striving for making a picture and showing emotion through dialogue.

Nothing Quite Like a Mother's Love

“You know I’m not going to be around much longer,”
she said from her position on the sofa,
as I lay on the floor of the study.
“You’re awfully quiet. Are you sleeping down there?”
“No, I’m listening.”
“I’m sorry you all had to wait at the airport for me.”
“We were glad to, Mom.”
“I saw you out there pulling weeds this morning.
I don’t want you to do that anymore when it’s this hot;
besides, you’ll get poison ivy.
You know my state policy has two thousand dollars.
I have four plots.
You sure are a pretty girl.
Your sister will have a hard time getting that bedroom suit
from my house to hers so far away.
You all watch out for those attic stairs; they’re steep
You work too hard teaching.
I’ll be glad when you can retire.
You need to rest more.
You know there’s some poison in the basement.
You’ll need to watch out for that basement door;
it’s hard to open.
Now I don’t want you all to argue over
anything when I’m gone.
I can’t see you breathing. Are you breathing?”
“Yes, Mom.”

KennAllan · Post by **KennAllan** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:12 pm

I, too, always seem to gravitate toward an 8-6 pattern. My second favorite is an 8-8-8-6 where all the "8s" rhyme and the "6s" rhyme every other stanza. Playing with different rhyming patterns is a kick!

glorybee · Post by **glorybee** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:33 pm

Verna, those last two lines took my breath away. Keep at it--you'll be a free verse maestro in no time!

glorybee · Post by **glorybee** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:35 pm

Kenn, wonderful to see you here!

I'd love to hear an answer to this from one of the best poets around--what would you add to the list of items in a well-constructed poem?

KennAllan · Post by **KennAllan** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 7:36 pm

Hiya, Jan (and everyone).

Gee... your lesson on the well-crafted poem leaves me little to add.

One annoyance I often encounter are heteronyms, or words that have the same spelling but different pronunciation. Whenever "forced" to use one in a rhyming position, it is a good idea to place it second so the first rhyme will define its intended usage. For example:

It is a daunting task indeed
To find a book I want to read;
If you should peek beneath my bed
You'll find the ones I haven't read.

Another irritating word is "again" since it is pronounced "aghen" or "agin" in most of the United States but "a-gain" (rhymes with rain) in some eastern states and European countries.

grandmalovesbabies · Post by **grandmalovesbabies** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 9:31 am

Jan - I have some haiku poem questions for you. Is there such a thing as an epic Haiku? Is it possible to write one? Do you know of any that have been written? (I'll probably google the questions but wanted to get your input as well.)

glorybee · Post by **glorybee** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 10:10 am

Lolie, I've never heard of an epic haiku, and it seems to me a contradiction in terms. By definition, an epic is quite lengthy--it tells a story, usually heroic. On the other hand, by definition a haiku is very short (just those 17 syllables) and just contains that one little glimpse into nature.

I suppose a poet could compose an epic by stringing together many, many haikus--but they'd have to be considered 'haikus' only by syllable count, and not by content.