I missed this, but I do get where you're coming from. I am approaching the 35 year of my shingles gunk. Even still I've never gone more than 3 maybe 4 months without sores. I have them really bad right now. I've often wondered if I'd have been better off if I died. I worried that my kids would hate me or resent me, but instead it helped turn them into empathetic little critters who are all in great positions to serve others. M is a counselor who works with very troubled monkeys, Q is well on his way to become a UMC minister and has spent the summer being Pastor Q at one othe biggest Christian Camp in NC. I think he has grown and learned so much this year and Lyd wants to be a teacher and is excited that she can study in Ireland this Fall. Oh I'm going to miss herRebecky wrote:Ok... fine. I'll just pick on you instead!JesusPuppy wrote: And Kiddo.. Quit picking on Shann... that's my job.
Yeah, today is 3 years since the car accident. I remember after the accident I had nightmares every night for I don't know how long. During that time because of the nightmares, sleepless nights and the pain I was in, many night I wished I had just died in the accident instead. That could have been way better than the pain and everything I was going through.
But now the nightmares are gone, even if everything else remains.
I've got a bad headache that is going from my sinuses to the back of my neck right where my spine comes up.
Which brings me to you Ms. Becky, I know we have had some up and downs, but I am so glad you didn't die in that accident. I wouldn't have had the honor to call you friend. You've touched me in many ways. In 2012, it was the first time in like 25 years that I didn't have to go into the hospital even once during that year. Then in February, I needed to go in, but struggled, feeling like I would have failed and given in to this stupid disease, but Becky simply said, "Seems to me that going to hospital to get medicine you need is fighting, not giving in!" I really wish you knew how much that meant to me. Becky. I have tears in my eyes now still when I think about it. When we hurt all the time it can be difficult to step outside of the pain and minister to others. I think that may be your gift Becky and I wish I could help you see that beautiful part of yourself. If you could get a job in the health care or at camp or some kind of a mission trip, even though it would be hard, scary, painful, and much more, God would reward you a thousand times over. Lyd really came back a changed person after her mission trip. Lots of time people see those trips as hard labor, building houses, cleaning up after disasters, but there are Missions of Peace which is what Lyd went to and she was so blessed. She often would call our house a dump, but after seeing people who literally lived in a dump, it made a change in her. You do have that type of heart Becky and you have made me a better person because of it. Hugs