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I think that suggestion really works. I've nutted out my own version: In Ben's bedroom, the way his son had looked at him had socked the air out of Jack's lungs. That naked glaring hatred, which so perfectly reflected his own deadly gaze, was targeted at HIM. I'm vile... despicable. I've no idea how...

Thanks Jan, your help's invaluable, and I've made those changes to the story, but now I'm thinking the father's voice may need to be internal dialogue as well! Argh! He does a lot of telling too: It was terrifying how much a father could despise a son. If Jack were given to violence, his fists would...

Hi I think I may have come across occasions when telling is pivotal: during a protagonists 'aha' moment - the revelations from God that summarise what that person needed to know to help their situation. I've been reviewing my "Hateful Love" challenge entry to see where I've gone wrong with...

Oh, that's great!
I've now got a great fall back position, teehee - I'm forging my voice in contemporary fiction!

Teehee Thanks Jan, I feel better already!

Thanks Hopefully in context the action on the lock is symbolically suitable, but I'll reconsider that anyway.

As Outside: is not a complete sentence, is it ok to use the : in this context - which seemed the right punctuation out of all my choices.

Thanks Jan

Hi Jan I'm hoping you'll give me the 'ok' (teehee) with this line, because I really want to keep it! The story it is attached to is past tense. Outside: the motor rattle of a cooling engine, door slam, footsteps, key raping the lock. The door acquiesced. I'm thinking the present tenses may be ok bec...

Eek, I get so confused with all the different terminologies - eg adjective clauses and those many others described. I'm constantly perusing my many resources to make sense of them. If I understand correctly, I'm going to have to put myself through an intense study to know these things - otherwise my...

Umm, another thing I wanted to say was not to do with this topic, but I'm including it here because I know this forum gets a lot of traffic. I'm not sure if I'm overstepping boundaries, but I wondered if people can leave more comments on the individual challenge entries. We all work so hard every we...

Hi Jan Please do not halt writing these amazing lessons. I read them all, and if I don't respond, it's only because I can't think of an example, or am busy with the challenge article. Perhaps the genre series received more feedback only because we were faced with new styles and we were screaming for...

Teehee, I have to say I giggled through every entry on this subject matter! Hopefully there are a few writers out there that like the aussie series "Kath and Kim". They are at their funniest when having fun with word play... just to show how ocka they are with the English language!

Hi Jan You've provided previously some great advice on how to be constant in the tense you've chosen for a piece of writing. I've found it particularly handy to recognise that the use of -ed verbs is consistent in past tense. Present tense uses -ing words frequently. However, is there a rule of thum...

I absolutely must add to these comments my own deep appreciation for the hard work you put in for us week by week. You enable people to grow and find true expression for their faith in the will of God. I've learnt so much already in such a short time, and that's because of your great advice and lovi...

Hi Helen, Yes, I did post it. "First Encounter" about a sea monster of all things! Jan, I previously asked about whether I can have more than one POV in a story, and you mentioned that if done right, it can be an acceptable option. Can you peruse "First Encounter" for me to let m...

I'm soooo full of questions this time around! In my action piece, which I think fulfils all of the requirements you mentioned, it is a very unusual character that is the protagonist, to the point it could fit in the scifi/fantasy genre. I'm desperately wanting to post it under action though (cause I...