Search found 34 matches

by Athayde
Tue Jul 04, 2017 11:01 pm
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Dialog #1
Replies: 103
Views: 91445

Re: Dialog #1

Thanks, Jan--

I've made the corrections, and also chose the word lingered, instead stayed, in the 5th paragraph. :)
by Athayde
Tue Jul 04, 2017 10:55 pm
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Conclusion #2--the 5th judging criterion
Replies: 40
Views: 27321

Re: Conclusion #2--the 5th judging criterion

Thanks, Jan. I'll be reading the top entries in Level 4.

And Jan, I knew it! I could "see" your humorous and artistic style--embedded in between the

suggested sentences and observations--given by into the ratings report. You have a strong

and distinctive voice.


Thank you so much. God bless you.
by Athayde
Tue Jul 04, 2017 10:23 pm
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Be a Better Writer--CHARACTERIZATION
Replies: 28
Views: 23561

Re: Be a Better Writer--CHARACTERIZATION

Oh, Jan! This is a masterful piece. I enjoyed every layer, from the beginning to the end. I fell in love with Junie, and I wanted to bite her too! :lol: My favorite paragraph: "I pulled my fingers away. "I won't touch it," I said, and immediately began a plan for getting the baby to myself for furth...
by Athayde
Tue Jul 04, 2017 4:37 pm
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Dialog #1
Replies: 103
Views: 91445

Re: Dialog #1

Hi Jan, here is my shot: Jocelyn frowned and yelled at me, "Why church people can't have fun, mom?" I'm going anyway, you know that..." She walked sideways at my front. Seated on the sofa, I kept looking at my tablet. I had to be careful to answer to that one. "It's not about being a Christian, Jocy...
by Athayde
Mon Jul 03, 2017 11:54 pm
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Conclusion #2--the 5th judging criterion
Replies: 40
Views: 27321

Re: Conclusion #2--the 5th judging criterion

Hi Jan, here is the link of my entry, Revival in Oopsville. It was rated and reviewed by the judges. You'll see that my conclusion was poor: https://www.faithwriters.com/wc-article-level2-previous.php?id=55539 Here is the suggestion given by the judges: "For years after, whenever Sister Belauca was ...
by Athayde
Mon Jul 03, 2017 8:01 pm
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Be a Better Writer--CHARACTERIZATION
Replies: 28
Views: 23561

Re: Be a Better Writer--CHARACTERIZATION

Hi Jan, 1) Here is a list of some ways that Junie is made to be a round character: a) Physical and psychological description: "I was far too big to be carried"; "I wanted my mothers lap"; "I was wildly covetous of that bassinet". b) Dialogue: "It's got no arms. Where are its arms?"; "Does it have fe...
by Athayde
Sun Jul 02, 2017 8:28 pm
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Beginnings #2--the 4th judging criterion
Replies: 52
Views: 48879

Re: Beginnings #2--the 4th judging criterion

Thanks, Jan. :)
by Athayde
Sat Jul 01, 2017 2:26 am
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Beginnings #2--the 4th judging criterion
Replies: 52
Views: 48879

Re: Beginnings #2--the 4th judging criterion

Hi Jan, I chose the first paragraph of Ernest Hemingway's novel, The Old Man and the Sea: "He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish. In the first forty days a boy had been with him. But after forty days without a fish...
by Athayde
Fri Jun 30, 2017 11:41 pm
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Beginnings (#1)--the 4th judging criterion
Replies: 104
Views: 93897

Re: Beginnings (#1)--the 4th judging criterion

Thanks, Jan. :)
by Athayde
Thu Jun 29, 2017 1:24 am
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Beginnings (#1)--the 4th judging criterion
Replies: 104
Views: 93897

Re: Beginnings (#1)--the 4th judging criterion

Hi Jan, here's my title and first sentence: 1. Title: Hitherto (J's series) 2. First sentence: The farmhouse porch light turned on. On the floor, a dropped off baby girl inside a basket, chewed a paper note with the words, please, don't worship or speak in tongues near this child . Thanks. Blessings.
by Athayde
Wed Jun 28, 2017 2:52 pm
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Dialog #2
Replies: 52
Views: 56632

Re: Dialog #2

"Come with me," Lukas said. Nadin followed him through a narrow and shadowy corridor. "We should call Rachel and the others," Nadin said. He shook his head and smirked. "Phones won't work here, Nadin. We're in another dimension, remember?" "You're so funny," she said and stepped ahead of him. They t...
by Athayde
Wed Jun 28, 2017 1:12 pm
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Be a Better Writer--PUNCTUATING DIALOGUE
Replies: 11
Views: 9447

Re: Be a Better Writer--PUNCTUATING DIALOGUE

I had some doubts about the capitalization after question mark and exclamation point!

"Why should I do that?" she asked.

"Rachel, I love you." He smiled and held her hands.

"Philip is in love with Vida," she said.

This is great, Jan. Thanks.
by Athayde
Wed Jun 28, 2017 1:55 am
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Be a Better Writer--COMMAS ARE TRICKY
Replies: 47
Views: 32338

Re: Be a Better Writer--COMMAS ARE TRICKY

Thanks, Jan.
This lesson covers a lot!
by Athayde
Tue Jun 27, 2017 12:17 am
Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
Topic: Be a Better Writer--Writing on topic
Replies: 44
Views: 31603

Re: Be a Better Writer--Writing on topic

Hi Jan, I received today the ratings report on my article Revival in Oopsville. I had a 1.83 score on the topic category... I loved how you described Lavinia's skin color, as the pale tan of chicken eggs. Sister Pauline's developments are laugh-out-loud funny, but I got depressed a moment later. How...

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