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Topic: Peace (03/15/04)
TITLE: Pickled Peace Pipes
By Linda Germain
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My name is Peter Piper. I am here to check for rusty, pickled pipes that may interfere with your current peace flow. Oh? You never heard of such a fantastical ministry? Well, perhaps you are dreaming.
We at Olive Branch Enterprises are proud to serve you a PEACE of your mind. Don't worry, I am certified.
We dislodge clumps of bitterness and discord that are clogging the arteries of the human heart so that the sweet juice from the fruits of the Spirit can flow like a river.
This valuable analysis is to check and balance the disposition of your tread. We test hot air, noise pollution, steering malfunction, and your basic un-snarl fluid. Some signal indicators may need longer fuses. Clean filters are installed and then we finish with a complete wash job.
What part do you play? Well, first lie down on this couch and let me attach the O -chrometer-dometer thingie to your heart and soul. It won't hurt, see it comes right out through your mouth. Now just relax. Breathe easy there, Sir or Madam.
Oops, I forgot, you DO have insurance don't you? We cannot be responsible for any havoc wrecked due to dangerously decreased levels. You may be at least a quart and a half low.
No, you won't have to come down town; we refill with our handy-dandy hope-in-scoper. It's out in the truck.
You're right, this is pretty high tech stuff...and just in time, I'd say! With the epidemic of war, crime, murder, abuse, unfaithfulness, betrayal and pain, we could work day and night to restore peace.
What's this book you ask? Why, that's THE manufacturer's manual .You were bought for a price, so you are still under original warranty. Yes, we guarantee our work. This is a free offer to all who will accept certain adjustments to their conditions! It's all in there. Well, read it AGAIN. Once is not enough.
Okay, please be still. We don't want a false reading. Hey, don't look so scared my friend. This is a GOOD thing. Everybody profits from more peace in the house.
Hee Hee (*Chuckling), listen to this; I saw a bumper sticker that read, "Visualize whirled peas." Pondering puree makes about as much sense as waiting for a world peace that would spring from the efforts of man.
There will always be wars and rumors of wars. Yeah, sure, it is right there in the instruction manual. Hey, I wouldn't make this stuff up you know!
So, here's the thing: No global truce until the Prince of Peace returns, but we can generate a little unity in our own backyards by manifesting love to spouses, children, friends, relatives, neighbors, and yes, even to our pets. The natural ripple effect would bring a lot of smiles. You're right. A grinning dog is pretty funny.
By the way, did some guy come by offering wealth and fame and other dubious benefits if you signed up with HIS company? Uh, huh, I thought so. You should have contacted the Better Professional Bureau. He is definitely scheduled to go out of business. It's right here on page 777.
Why, that whole bunch is bankrupt; too much insider trading. You better believe it. Con men are so slick they fool even the smartest investors. You end up putting your treasure in unstable stock that crashes and burns.
Tsk, Tsk. I sympathize, pal, but you still have time to tune up and tune in. Yes, the manual does cover all aspects of the internal combustion sources. Safety valves are included. We decompress stress-compression fractures. Sure, easy for ME to say, right? It takes less time to mend a little crack than to rebuild a compound break.
Relationship wheels turn smoother when oiled with kindness and understanding. That may not teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, but it wouldn't hurt to hum a few bars around the old home place to prime the pump.
Okay, just about finished. Let me scan the results here on your diagnostic thermography. Whoa, Nelly! I arrived just in the nick of time. You are dangerously close to serious vapor lock, and you know what THAT means...
James 3:18 "Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in PEACE by those who make PEACE."
2 Peter 1:2 "Grace and PEACE be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord."
Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the PEACEmakers, for they shall be called sons of God."