“I AM NOT A FAILURE”
Anthony David Swaroop Kumar.M
Looking at the pile of books she had to study, Phoebe sighed. Examinations loomed up large in her sight. “I shouldn’t have wasted all my time earlier in the year. Instead, if only I had prepared for these exams right from the beginning like Tabitha….” She thought,”…but now it is too late. What shall I do now?”
The days flew past.
Bleary eyed with lack of sleep, Phoebe struggled to keep awake in the exam hall. Every now and then, her mind went blank. Somehow, she managed to sit till the exam was over and hurried to go out. She met Tabitha outside the hall. “ Wasn’t it a good paper Phoebe?” opined Tabitha, "Most of us have written well. We should be getting good marks. How about you?” Phoebe just managed to smile weakly.
* * * * * * *
Three weeks later.
“Hi Phoebe”, said Tabitha, Our exam results have just come on the website. Did you see?” “I did”, blurted out Phoebe, "I failed in two subjects” “Do not worry Phoebe;” assured Tabitha,” You still passed in one subject. You can clear the others in just six more months.”
However, Phoebe was far from reassured. “ I have failed in two subjects. I am losing six months of my career. Everyone will look down on me. I have failed. I am a failure. The fact is that I did not deserve to pass. Do I deserve then to live?” she mused. Neither music nor books, which were her favorite hobbies, helped her this time.
Forlorn and sad, she sat alone in her darkened room and thought, “I am a failure. I am so insignificant. No one cares for me. I might as well die”
Trring, trring….the bell rang interrupting her depressive thoughts. “Who is it?” she asked as she reluctantly opened the door. Tabitha walked in with their senior friend Sheba. “ I just wanted to spend some time with you Phoebe”, said Sheba, "I heard you had failed in two subjects”
Tears now flowed freely from Phoebe’s eyes. "Shebakka”, she sobbed, “I am a failure. No one cares for me.”
“Don’t ever say that Phoebe”, said Sheba.” Don’t you remember? Our Lord Jesus Christ cares for you. He died on the cross for you and for me even while we were yet sinners. Doesn’t that give us some worth?”
Tabitha came close to Phoebe and hugged her. "Phoebe, my dear, we all love you. We care for you. You are not a failure. You can always try again.”
“I know exactly how you feel Phoebe”, began Sheba, “ I also failed once some years ago. I too felt miserable and blue. But I encouraged myself in the Lord. Do you remember the life of King David? Once when he was most discouraged and when even his own men talked of stoning him for his failure, he encouraged himself in the Lord. Phoebe, the Lord cares for you. The Word says that He will never leave you nor forsake you. You have become His daughter. How can you ever think that He will leave you Phoebe?”
She came close to her and held her hand. "You are definitely not a failure Phoebe. Don’t give importance to such feelings. The fact remains that The Lord loves you. And so do we!”
The beginnings of a smile hovered on Phoebe’s lips. "Thank you dear sisters, for reminding me. The Lord loves me. I am not a failure.”
* * * * * * *
© 2004: M A David S Kumar.