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Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Discipleship (02/23/04)

TITLE: Was it enough time?
By Melanie Kerr


Picture the scene if you will. Jerusalem. On the outskirts of the city. Not the city centre. A hill. Clear sky above. Green grass below. And all around – people. A crowd of people. Men and women of all ages. One or two children are chasing each other. A man stands at the centre. People catch his hand in theirs and bring it quickly to their lips for a brief kiss. He is about to leave. The crowd has known for a while that this moment would come. They had hoped for a little longer. So much they wanted to say. So many questions they needed to answer.
The man. Part of the crowd and yet distinct from it. Taking these last few moments to enjoy the company of friends. Wondering. Was it enough time? Can three years ever be enough time? Together they had journeyed. Along dry, dusty paths that led from one village to another. Meeting, touching and transforming a cast of thousands. Yet walking another path. Beliefs written on cold scrolls breathed into warm hearts.
So many things they have witnessed. Incredible things. What have they seen? The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those with leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised. A hundred books could not contain the miracles they have seen.
So many things they have seen. Impossible things. A man walking on water, storms stilled by a command. A crowd of thousands satisfied with a handful of fish and a few loaves. Stones rolled back and shrouded men stepping into the light.
So many things they have heard. Skilfully woven stories that demand a response. Soft words spoken to a child. Strong rebukes to breakdown worldly thinking. Words of forgiveness shouted from the top of a cross. And promises. Yes, promises. Of a blessed future so near, so real. A Kingdom here and yet still to come. Not conceived on this world.
And yet, was it enough? What have they learned? Yes they might pray to their father in heaven. Asking for the Kingdom of heaven to be manifest on earth. They might feed the hungry and release prisoners from their chains. They night seek the lost sheep and welcome lost sons into their arms.
But do they really know?
As the man looks into the eyes of Simon Peter, he sees and he smiles. He sees himself reflected back. Not just his words. Not just his actions. But his heart.
He stretches out his arms joyfully. He can go home. His work is done.

Member Comments
Member Date
Dave Wagner03/01/04
I appreciate your intentions, but the fragmented, redundant style makes it kind of a slog to read. You could have made your statements twice as powerfully with half the words. Places especially like the first paragraph, you could remove every other sentence, since they literally repeat themselves.

Also, a could things I'd like to point out:

>> Can three years ever be enough time?<< This sentence makes no sense. Ever be enough time for what, exactly?

>> a cast of thousands.<< 'cast' is the wrong word, I think. Makes it seem like a play, or make-believe.

>> Skillfully woven stories that demand a response.<< Actually, he spoke in parables specifically so the people would not understand.

>>...shouted from the top of a cross.<< Out of sequence…they hadn’t heard this yet.

>> Beliefs written on cold scrolls breathed into warm hearts.<< This I like a lot. Nicely worded.

I do appreciate the picture you were attempting to paint. I'll keep an eye out for future submissions. Thanks for posting this.
L.M. Lee03/02/04
I've often wondered which side I would have been on if I had been there.
Lynne Cox03/05/04
I liked the article except for the repetition. I thought the short sentences added to the sense of urgency.
Linda Germain 03/06/04
I agree, your style does lend a sense of urgency.
Patricia Ouellette03/07/04
Your piece gives emotion and life to the power of the Lords magesty and works. It lifts the readers emotions. Thank you for sharing your passion for Jesus. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Kenny Paul Clarkson03/07/04
You framed the title as a question! NICE TOUCH!! That encourages the reader to seek the answer. Fragmented sentences annoy some purists, but those who read to "hear" the writer's voice will appreciate your skill. — Kenny Paul Clarkson, 1492@usa.com