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Topic: Directions (02/02/04)
TITLE: Plenty of Directions
By Rebecca Howell
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PLENTY OF DIRECTIONS
Directions are amazing things. They tell you "what", "why", "when", "how ", "where ", and "who". If you want to work on your car, directions will tell you what's broken, why it happened, when it should've been checked, how to fix it, where to find the parts and who to call if you can't.
Are home mechanics not working out? Never fear. There are directions everywhere you turn about other ways to travel. You will learn where to go, why you deserve it, what to take with you, when you should travel, how you can get there, and who can set you up.
Don't let that scary hair ruin your fun. There's a new 'do' just in time for your trip! Directions will tell you what looks better on you, why its easier, where to find the cheap stuff, how to rub it in, when to rinse it off and whose fault it is if it doesn't turn out.
Then it is time to enjoy your vacation! Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet! There will be a host of directions waiting for you at home to tell you what to eat, when to eat it, why you need it, who's study proves it, how to love it, and where it will take you-to the land of your dreams!
Should your diet go badly, however, and become a nightmare instead, there are books stacked five volumes high with directions to tell you why nightmares are normal, what they really mean, who in your childhood is the probable cause, how to deal with them 'naturally', when to go for professional help and where to get off when the 'help' becomes worse than the nightmare.
At this point you may crave the comfort of a good friendship. The plethora of books on this popular subject will give you ample directions for whatever you wish to hear: what you really need, how to make it last, when you've had enough, why it didn't work, who to blame for it and where to go for more; more therapy, that is.
You undoubtedly will need something simple this time, something common and earthy. How about growing a garden? Some directions will explain that this should solve your diet problems AND your relationships. There are books for every imaginable garden theme. Directions will tell you what to plant, why it's the best, where to put it, how to water it, when to pick it and who has a bigger one.
After a busy growing season you will be ready for winter with plenty of indoor reading time to search the internet for directions on how to relax, what to forget, who to forgive, where to find your ancestors, why your job doesn't fit your personality, and when to listen to your body instead of your doctor.
As the snow begins to melt and you detect that springy feeling in the air, believe it or not, you will be ready to go back out to the garage and tackle that car project again. You won't approach it the same way as before, however, because you have just finished a book full of cutting edge concepts on the value of your time. With these new directions you now understand how short life really is, why your time is more valuable than your money, what kind of knowledge you can live happily without, where to find other people who have it, when to begin crossing personal projects of your list, and who to hire to do them for you. Of course, the first person you contact will be that auto mechanic! Don't worry...he'll have directions.