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Topic: Seasons (12/08/03)

By Ruth Napier



There are many seasons that we all go through in our lives. Some are good and others are not.

I have a season that I'm facing and going through that I never dreamed I'd face this soon in my life. We are in the Christmas season right now which is a wonderful season. But the season I'm going through is so difficult that I am having a hard time even participating in Christmas.

I walk through the stores and I hear Elvis singing, "I'll Have A Blue Christmas Without You" on the speakers. I try very hard to block that song out when I hear it.

As I walk on I see little children all excited when they see Santa waving at them. I see smiles on faces with anticipation and the isles filled with boxes of gifts on carts ready to be put on the shelves. What a great time for everyone, but me.

You see, I lost my husband a few months back and I don't know how to handle Christmas this year. It will be the first Christmas without him. I don't want to have Christmas with him gone. We spent forty-one Christmas holidays together. How am I going to do this without him here?

As I go to different Malls and stores, I see tools in a gift pack that he would have liked. I see Christmas candy he liked and I cry. I see other women buying gifts for their husbands and I feel so alone. I wonder around not knowing what to do because I want to buy something for him, but he's not here anymore.

When I go by the flowers I think maybe I should buy him a pretty Poinsettias and take it to decorate his grave with, but I don't. Everything I see and think of is still about him.

I'm not putting up the tree this year. I can't bear to see it all sparkly and bright and no one to share it with. He would sit and watch me as I set it up and decorate it and help if I needed him to.

We have three sons, and they will be here to have dinner with me on Christmas day. There will be an empty place at the table but we will make conversation and try not to say anything about it.

We have one granddaughter Sarah (she's 6), and she was the apple of my husband's eye. He always called her "princess". She told me she misses Grandpa and cries sometimes when she thinks of him.

You that still have your mate; enjoy every Christmas with them as if it's your last, because it could be. I had no clue it would be this hard to live without him and that I would miss him so much and especially during the holidays.

This has got to be the worst season of my life that I've ever been in, but I know I will get through it one day and go on with my life. I'll never forget him and will always miss him, I'm sure.

But for this first year, it truly will be a blue Christmas with out him.
I don't have the messenger so if you want to contact me, do so at coollady1@earthlink.net
Copyright 2003 All rights reserved.

Member Comments
Member Date
Donna Haug12/15/03
Ruth, Your story was so full of passion. I admire a love so deep that can survive 41 years! You have been blessed! I will pray that the Lord will comfort you this Christmas season!

Randy Chambers12/15/03
Your articles brought back a lot of memories of our first Christmas without my sister. She was 18 when a drunk driver colided with her car and she died. We light a candle every Christmas. It sits near her picture and burns all day. Jesus was her Light, and her candle glow each season reminds us we will see her again. I wish that made it easier for us, but her absence was brutally painful for us--as your husbands is for you. God tells us in Romans, "Weep with those that weep." As I read your words, my heart sunk. I will weep with you and pray God brings you comfort through the tears. I have a poem I wrote some time ago that I would like to share with you now.

Bandages of Prayer

No word can stop the flow of tears
within the pain you suffer now,
And prayers seem more like bandages
that loosely hold your heart in place,
You know that better days will come
but cannot see when that shall be.
For what is now your daily bread
seems more your daily agony.
I will not claim to know your pain,
or what youíre going through.
Iíll simply try to do my best
to just be there for you.
Though your wounds right now seem endless,
please remember I will be there,
To dress your wounds the best I can
beneath the bandages of prayer.

I pray the Prince of comfort and peace, bring both to you this season.

Jane Karkada12/15/03
it must have taken a lot for you to bear your heart out in the midst of so much pain. Thank you so much for sharing with such simplicity and eloquence.God bless you.
Glenda Lagerstedt12/16/03
Thanks for the poingnant reminder to treat those we love caringly. And thank you for sharing your heart-felt story. May you feel God's presence and blessing.
Anne Linington04/19/08
Ruth, to show my concern for you I found and read this article penned shortly after your husband's death;
Will keep you in my prayers, but I do not have the message facility.