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Reflection Rejection
(Passages)
Strong arms lift me up so I can see
into the mirror. My Dad smiles at me.
I smile back.
I am beautiful.
I am three.
I dance into the living room
With Mom’s high heeled-shoes
On my feet and a red dress two sizes too big.
My Dad lifts me up and swings me over his head.
I am seven.
I am pretty.
I am
Trying to fit in the jeans that I wore last summer.
I can’t because
My body is changing.
My Dad smiles at me over the paper.
I smile back.
I am ten.
I think I’m fat.
I try on the belly shirt
With the Prada belt
And hip huggers
The sweater looks
better, but too tight.
In the mirror behind me
Dad frowns
He tells me he likes the cowl neck
I wore last week.
I am fifteen.
I am ugly.
I am holding tightly to his arm
As we walk down the aisle.
I don’t want to let go
But there is another man
that waits for me.
I see my reflection in the
Polished brass.
My Dad smiles at me
I smile back.
I am twenty-three.
I am anxious.
Two breaths more
And here she is
Crying.
A nose like mine.
Later
My Dad smiles at me
and her.
I smile back.
I am tired.
I am thirty-four.
The skin hangs loose
And empty
Where breasts were before
I look into the mirror and
See
For the first time.
My husband says
I am still beautiful
But
I know
I cannot feel his touch.
I am fifty-seven.
I am.
Strong arms hold me
As I face the pain.
I cannot see them
Always,
But
I know they are there.
I cry into the mirror
Youth has lost the battle
Winter has set in.
My Father waits for me.
At last I give in.
I am seventy-one.
I am beautiful.
I am free.
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