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Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Rejection (11/15/04)

TITLE: May God Have the Victory
By Marcell Billinghurst


The pain of rejection is something many of us face throughout our life, but find it hard to admit to, for fear we will not be loved, valued, accepted, or appreciated. We are often unable to share our innermost thoughts with others because we know many will not understand. Sharing our hearts with others, makes us vulnerable.

Trapped in our comfort zones, we put up walls, afraid to let others get too close. We say one thing, but our body language says something completely different. We become negative and defeated, and feeling we have failed, begin to reject ourselves before others can reject us. This becomes an endless cycle, we find hard to get off. We want to be victorious, but our fears cripple us.

I often find it easier to pray that God will use the words I write to bless others than myself, but God has convicted me I need to also believe them for myself, for His Glory, not for the approval of others. To discover my identity in Christ. When I saw what this weekís subject was about, I thought I canít write about that. It is just too hard. But God has convicted me I must, in order to grow in Him. So with His strength, I will share what He is teaching me.

God is taking me on a journey, as a result of a Thriving Not just Surviving Conference I have recently attended. I have been convicted to surrender every area of my life to Him and to ask for deliverance from my fears, many of which go back to my family of origin.

Much of my life has been plagued with fear of rejection, failure, not being accepted or loved. Low self esteem and worth, have taken their toll. Although I know Godís Love for me in theory, I have struggled to comprehend the reality of Godís love for me in my heart.

God spoke to me through the words of ministry at the Conference. He gave one counselor a practical picture, to demonstrate my worth in Christ, and that God loves me. The next day God revealed to another person that there was rejection in my life and that I was rejecting myself. He gave this lady who prayed with me, a picture of me kneeling at the foot of the cross, covered with Jesusí blood, cleansing me. I was overwhelmed.

The last few days have been painful, as I have struggled to deal with long term issues. However, God has shown me through His Word and the encouragement and prayers of loving Christian friends, there is hope for me.

My journey is not over, I know at times I may feel rejected, but in Christ, I am never forsaken. By His Grace and Strength, I can grow to become a victorious Christian who has learnt the reality of His Love for me. May God have the Victory.

Member Comments
Member Date
Dear Marcell,

It seems that many writers are plagued with the same feelings about themselves. However, God has managed to use them all for His glory, just as He has and will continue to use you. Thanks for sharing your story.
Deborah Anderson11/23/04
Thank you for sharing this, Marcell. God bless you.
Kathy Cartee11/24/04
Marcell. thanks for sharing.
I wanted to say you will be amazed at what God will do when you let go and let God take control.
I look at my life today and then at my life before Christ and I am so amazed.
I grew up all my life with a Spirit of fear and rejection but Jesus healed this broken and rejected vessel and gave me a place of acceptance and love in His family.
As writers, the best writing comes through what they have experienced in their personal life
because it comes from their heart.
I entered this weeks Challenge myself but I was not quite ready to write what was in my heart on this subject.
Maybe soon I will be ready.
God has been speaking to me about this all week.
So , rejoice , what satan tries to use to harm us, God will turn it around to bless us and others.

Keep writing and God Bless
Debbie OConnor11/27/04
I know how you feel. I have struggled with these feelings myself (wrote about them this week too). Like you, God is using my writing to teach me. I'm so glad the conference was encouraging. God bless you. May you rise above every limitation the enemy has tried to snare you with. This was very a very well-written, moving entry.