Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Hunger (11/08/04)

TITLE: THEY HUNGER AS SOON...AS THEY LEAVE THE WOMB
By Bonnie Johnson
11/08/04

 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

WELL I AM WRITING THIS AGAIN , I JUST SENT MY POEM AWAY..... I HIT THE WRONG BUTTON.........IT WILL BE ANOTHER DAY.......BOY THESE CONTESTS ARE REALLY HARD.....IT WAS ABOUT ABORTION AND HOW THE BABY HUNGER AS SOON AS THEY ARE BORN......DOES IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE IF THIS IS IN CAPITAL LETTERS OR IN THE LITTLE ONES........ WELL I AM NOT GOING TO WRITE IT IN LITTLE ONES........ IT TOOK TO MUCH TIME..... BESIDES I AM JUST A LITTLE GIRL IN THIS POEM, ........ AND THIS IS MY SISTER WRITING IT....AND SHE WANTS TO TRY IT ONE MORE TIME.......MY MOTHER HAD A CHANCE TO ABORT ME.......SO I WILL ASK JESUS ONE MORE TIME.... CAN I ASK A QUESTION LORD.... DO THEY FEED THOSE LITTLE ONES...... IN THE PROCEDURE OF ABORTION..... I REALLY WANT TO KNOW......DO THEY HUNGER WHEN THEY ARE BORN? THEY ARE CUTE AND I HAVE LEARNED TO LOVE THEM SO..............MY SISTER SHE TALKS ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME..... SHE LOST THREE BABIES YOU KNOW......SO WE TALK ABOUT THE LITTLE ONES...... UNTIL IT IS TIME TO GO.... DO THEY FEED THOSE LITTLE ONES....BEFORE THE PROCEDURE BEGINS... WHERE DO THEY KEEP THE BABBIE BOTTLES..... A FREEZER THEY KEEP THEM IN.......THEY KEEP EVERYTHING ELSE IN THERE.... SO I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW.....DO THEY KEEP TURKEYS THERE FOR THANKSGIVING DAY.... TO FEED THE BABIES MOTHERS BEFORE THEY TAKE THEM AWAY.? HOW ABOUT THE DIAPERS ARE THERE A LOT OF THEM.....I SUPPOSE WITH THAT 44 MILLION BABIES ABORTED... THEY HAVE A LOT OF THEM......AND WHEN THE SEND THE MOTHERS TO THE HOTEL ROOMS... TO WAIT A WHILE....WHAT DO THEY DO WITH THE BABIES ..... CAN THEY PLAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE? I AM CONFUSED YOU KNOW THEY WANTED TO ABORT ME...... MY NAME IS ANDREA, SHE INSISTED ON THAT NAME........ SHE TOLD THE DOCTOR SHE WOULD;T DO IT.... SHE WASN'T MARRIED.......SO HE THOUGHT THAT IT WAS BEST.... SHE SAID NO I AM GOING HOME.....TO FIX A BASSINET.......I AM GOING TO HAVE MY BABBIE I REALLY WANT ONE BAD.... IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE HASN'T GOT A DAD......SHE LOVES ME AND I LOVE HER.... SO WE ARE A FAMILY...... SHE EVEN FOOLED THE DOCTORS TWICE...... SHE HAD TWINS ONE FOR MY SISTER AND ME........OH YA , I FORGOT TO TELL YOU , SO I COULD HAVE A NAME.... MY GRANDMOTHER ADOPTED ME......SHE HAS DIED SEANCE THEN......SO NOW I AM BACK WITH MY MOTHER AGAIN.... RIGHT WHERE I SHOULD BE.....NOW THAT WE HAVE THE TWINS FAITH, AND HOPE...... WE ARE A FAMILY OF THREE..... THREE KIDS HOW NEET.......I LOVE MY MOM , SHE MAKES SURE WE ARE FED.....THERE IS NO HUNGER IN OUR FAMILY.....EVEN THOUGH MY GRANDMOTHER IS DEAD.... BECAUSE IN THE WILL THERE WAS A CLAUSE ESPECIALLY FOR ME...... I GO BACK TO MY MOM.... THAT SURE IS GREAT FOR ME......I AM ALL GROWN UP NOW..... AND I TEACH SCHOOL.... I HAVE A ROOM FULL OF BABIES....AND SWEET AS CAN BE.......SORRY MY SISTER IS A HILLBILLY SHE LIVES IN OKLAHOMA.......SHE IS WRITING THIS LETTER AND THEN SENDING IT TO ME..........I SURE HOPE THEY FEED THOSE BABIES....... IN THOSE FETAL RESEARCH LABS.......THEY CAN BE SORT OF COLD YOU KNOW.... WITH THOSE FROZEN SLABS........THEY MIGHT NOT BE TO COMFORTABLE FOR BABIES TO LAY ON...... I THINK I WILL ASK THE CHURCHES..... TO BUILD MORE NURSERIES..... AND SEND SOME TO THE LABS.... TO HOLD ALL OF THOSE LITTLE BABIES......THEY HAVE A LOT OF THEM FROM LITTLE TINY SEEDS TO GREAT BIG PRETTY BABIES ABOUT 9 MONTHS OLD..... MY SISTERS SAID THEY LIED TO THEM DURING THE ELECTIONS THIS YEAR..... THEY SAID 8 WEEK OLD BABIES THAT THEY USE FOR MEDICAL RESEARCH........ FOR SICK CHILDREN AND AL TIMERS PATIENTS...... I GUESS THEY NEED REPAIRS......... SO WHEN THEY MAKE THE REPAIRS...... WHERE DO THEY SEND THE REST.? DOWN A DISPOSAL I GUESS.... THAT PROBABLY MAKES A MESS...... I JUST DINT WANT THOSE BABIES TO HUNGER SO MAYBE I COULD SEND MY LUNCH.....SOME BABY BOTTLES AND SOME DIAPERS .AND SOME DIAPER WIPES .... THOSE LITTLE BABIES MIGHT GET A LITTLE MESSY AFTER THEY EAT THEIR LUNCH.................... WELL ANYWAY I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THEM.... MAYBE WE COULD LIGHT CANDLES.... AND HAVE A CEREMONY........THEY DO THAT FOR THE ONES WHO HAVE PASSED ON TO THEIR ETERNAL GLORY......OH WELL I DON'T KNOW I HAVE TO GO NOW AND ASK IF THEY CAN PLAY..... DO THEY LET THEM OUT FOR RESEWS ON A SUNNY DAY...........


Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Lee Schab 11/15/04
Bonnie,
You have a good concept here. The idea is good but your piece was very hard to read because of the capital letters and the ..... It is awesome that God gave you the desire to write. Now comes the hard part - learning all of the "writing rules". Your local library probably has lots of books on the technical side of writing. You might want to check it out. Looking forward to reading more from you and watching your progress. Great effort!
Love, Lynda
WENDY DECKER11/15/04
Bonnie, I wasn't quite sure if you were telling the story from the point of a child or telling us you were going to tell us from a child's point of view. Also, all caps is used for the meaning of shouting. When the entire piece is in caps it appears that you are shouting the whole story. (I learned this the same way LOL)
I'm sure with some research of writing rules you will be able to re-work this story. Look forward to reading more of your work.
Lucian Thompson11/15/04
Bonnie, I agree with the others, the caps make is so hard to read. I think you are writing in a free style verse at times, but I get lost with all the (…….). Several times you changed the little girl to grown up and then back to a little girl, I think. I got lost in the story. I couldn’t tell if the spelling and punctuation was because you were saying it like a little girl would or just oversights in editing. (This is where I am the weakest as a writer.) I did get the message you imparted and I am very much for the message you conveyed. I hope you take this in the spirit it is intended…to help make a good writer a great writer. You have a message that needs to be heard.
Phyllis Inniss 11/17/04
Bonnie, I feel your pain. We take our pain to the Father and ask Him to resolve it. I agree with the others about the writing, but starting somewhere is important.
Diane York11/21/04
Bonnie, I can tell you are very passionate about saving babies from abortion. This is a very important cause. I like your view point of the child asking about the aborted babies. With a little revision this could be great!!! If at this point you're not sure how to revise it that's okay, but come back to it later. I've noticed you've written other things are this same topic. That's good, right now you may not know how to revise what you write, but don't be afraid of criticism. Hang in there God has a way of turning average people into great writers.