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Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Insulted (11/01/04)

TITLE: This Was a Difficult Topic
By Annette Agnello


The topic is ďInsultedĒ I didnít realize how bad things were until I started writing. I feel so unloved, unwanted.

Our church is huge three services a weekend in addition to mid week services. With about 2,000 at an average service. Because of this the church tried to plant 8 new churches and tapped 8 men to be the pastors of these churches.

Everyone in the whole church was encouraged to join ďLIFEĒ groups. Which would be Living In Fellowship and Evangelism. These small groups were supposed to grow by gaining new converts. They would be adding people from their jobs and neighborhoods by doing mission related projects. As the group grew it would subdivide and multiply. Each group had a leader and was supposed to have an acceptance to lead the new group. We were apprentices under J and D and in time would lead a group of our own.

But J was one of the ones tapped to plant a church in our area. We are a good 45 minutes each direction to and from church. We were supposed to be growing as a group. And my husband and I were the heirs apparent for when the group subdivided we took the training to that end. J was taking his own training to start the church.

As a life group we were supposed to be reaching out to people and bringing them to Christ. Most groups were doing things every other week to reach people. Our group has been around over two years and have done that once. That day we met a young woman and her children, she brought along her boyfriend. They both received the Lord and became J and Dís project to the point of hosting their wedding on their deck. There was very little growth in our group other than those two. Really they not only did not have time for the rest of us. And couldnít be bothered with another outreach in spite of the success of the one outreach we had.

That was bad enough, but as part of his prep for planting a new church he listed who would be what, prayer leader, youth leader, evangelist, teacher, outreach leader etc. Everyone that was a start of the original group plus a couple who had visited once had a position. Everyone except me! I felt thrown away and rejected. It was a gross insult to be the only one singled out by the absence of a position. I was further insulted to be left out of helping with wedding. I volunteered to do flowers, I didnít know my way around the area. And I asked to go along to get flowers for the bouquet. D couldnít be bothered with me tagging along. I was the only one not included in anything the more I tried the more I was thrown away. The more I was thrown away the more insulted I became.

I wasnít wanted for anything in the church that was supposed to be planted. I wasnít wanted to help with the wedding. D had promised me early on she would take me places and teach me how to get there. I have been here three years and still know very little about whatís available in the area. I feel lied to. Their word means nothing, they had no use for me in the church they were planting. They didnít need my help with anything I offered to do, and couldnít be bothered to help me with anything I asked for help with. A seamstress couldnít take a few minutes to explain how to do french seams. A teacher, promised to edit the pieces I was submitting. Three weeks after the weekly challenge she said she would get to it soon, to little to late.

Iím insulted everyone keeps their word to everyone except to me. Iím insulted everyone is there for everyone but me. Iím insulted any time I try to make myself useful I get kicked in the teeth.
I get insulted when promises are not kept. I get insulted when I am locked out of things. I patiently say Iíll wait, or it will be alright. ITíS NOT ALRIGHT!!! Iím a nice person, I deserve better from a life group they are supposed to be nearly family. Itís not living up to its press.

Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Lee Schab 11/08/04
Oh, Annette,
I can feel your frustration and your hurt. I know I've felt the same way many times. Unfortunately, as humans, feeling insulted and offended is part of our sinful nature. There will always be people who hurt us (intentionally or not). We have to choose to let it go (something I haven't quite mastered yet either!) Holding on to it does not hurt the other person, only ourselves. I'm praying you'll find a way to forgive these people even though they don't deserve it - especially because they don't deserve it.
Blessings, Lynda
P.S. This was therapy for me because I actually learned something from what I just wrote about how to let go of some anger that I have been holding onto. Thanks for posting.
darlene hight11/08/04
I hope this was good therapy. Be encouraged,sometimes the first step before being moved into a leadership position is God will allow many of the wrongs that you have endured. Consider it part of your training.Often,the first thing that must go is our need for approval. It truly narrows our motivation down to the heart.Unfortunately, being appreciated is one of the rare jewels in ministry. The norm is so often being criticized or undervalued. Remember you are highly valued by God!
DeAnna Brooks11/08/04
Annette, thank you for reminding me how hurting the people around us really are. Humans are awfully 'sightless' at best. As I read, i could almost perceive these thoughts being penned by God...how, He, being left out of everything you described, must feel. How deep His ache must be. Forgive us, please!
Sheila Boyd11/08/04
I know this treatment must make you feel so small and unimportant, but remember God loves you, He has an assignment for you. He is the one who promotes us, and gives us a position. Ask God where He wants you to be, what He wants you to do. God will not leave you out, you are very important to Him. Much love, Sheila
Lois Jennison Tribble11/08/04
God isn't finished with you yet, Annette. Come through the fire and let go of the dross. With Him nothing is wasted, and He will use the pain you've experienced as your connection to minister to other hurting people. God loves you!
Mary Elder-Criss11/09/04
God bless you Annette, for your honesty and for opening yourself up like you did. I understand the hurt that you have expressed in feeling unwanted and unloved, having been there before myself. Just remember that regardless of man's attitudes that you are God's precious child. I pray that the people you spoke about would realize how badly they have hurt you and repent. It isn't always easy to forgive, but the opposite side of the spectrum is bitterness, and that hurts even more. Praying for peace and His awesome love to fill your heart. Blessings. Mary
Melanie Kerr 11/09/04
I have been there, as I am sure have lots of us. I am sorry for al the isolation you have felt and the hurtful things that people have said or done. The secret is to allow God to step in a heal the hurts - as he does.
Karen O'Leary11/10/04
It's amazing how little Christianity is actually practiced in some church groups. There are hypocrits in all walks of life. Maybe you should investigate another which reaches out to others and enriches your faith. God bless!
Karri Compton11/11/04
This subject is dear to my heart as my husband and I have been hurt by a church before. You have many issues to work through, but the first is forgiveness. Contrary to one of the other comments, we must forgive whether or not the person apologizes. If you don't, it will only hurt you, not them. Keep going to the Lord with your hurt and He will heal you! God bless.