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Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Pets (09/13/04)

TITLE: It All Started With Halibut Kibble
By Glenn A. Hascall
09/15/04

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Do they have any idea how ridiculous they look? They call to me in that annoying high pitched squeak as if somehow their juvenile antics will make me fawn over them like that stupid dog they allow to roam the house. Well it isnít working - Iím not a paying customer.

I know theyíre watching as I saunter toward the kitchen, I donít even need to turn around to know I am the object of their attention. Iím fairly certain they exist to serve me. If nothing else, these amazingly dim-witted humans leave food for me. Letís see, what do we have today? Salmon fillets or maybe Cod nuggets? Eeewwww, Halibut Kibble! Why donít they just tell me Iím fat? At least that would be a more direct weight loss insult. Youíd almost think they want me to go native. Oh, Iíve seen those ninja kitties that dine on rodent al fresco - barbaric! Itís worse than reality television. You have no idea what those mice get into - and what they leave behind. Iíve seen it first hand and Iím appalled that they allow them to roam free. Iíd rather starve!

Itís time to spill the bowl, then itís off to the couch where I can practice a few fillet skills IĎve been mastering. All I need is a few more special cuts and Iíll get a merit badge from the Feline Scouts. The real benefit is the artistic statement that shredding makes. Look at me! Iím playing the harp! I feel like yodeling. Iím pretty certain that if I do this right the Halibut Kibble goes away.

Ah, it seems theyíve witnessed my handiwork. It must be superb because the emotion on their faces is almost tangible. I sit proudly as they come to see my work a little too close and a lot to personal, ďHey, watch the midsection there pal - and if you could lower your voice a few decibels IĎm certain the neighbors would be grateful. Hmmmmph! Fine, I wanted to go outside anyway!Ē Hmmm, look at this; my feet are all wet now. This is just awful. It just goes to show that an artist is a misunderstood creature. Nothing worse than wet feet. Iím certain Iím going to have to lick the toes clean for hours. Wait a minute, what if I walked on his car first? I could dry my feet off a little and then maybe I can find a nice warm place under the hood. Wait a minute, the car window is open - even better - I feel like stretching.

Oh, these paws are tasty. Sort of like a Popsicle, only not as cold and with a few more hairs. If I do this right I can leave a nasty little surprise on the kitchen floor later that will certainly cause some much needed amusement in the morning. Maybe I should just leave it here. There, thatís better.

Would you look at this, Dog Breath Buford came to see me. How nice! I think itís time to pierce his nose. Heíll be so fashionable - the envy of all the neighborhood mutts. Just a quick jump through the window and, ďHey give me some space you dense canine.Ē I provide a couple of deft blows and Buford yelps satisfactorily - nose pierced - if he comes back Iím going for the ears.

How cute, sheís calling for kitty - oh Iím an easy mark for her foolishness so I saunter up to her and start a rumble deep within that I know she canĎt resist. She smiles and picks me up gently as I rub the rest of the Halibut Kibble off my face and onto her chin as she coos and tells me how pretty I am. There is no doubt about my cute quotient but I love to hear her say it.

What was that sound? Oh, he found my surprise in his car - how nice. He doesnít seem especially pleased. I wish heíd lighten up a bit. Perhaps I should take a self imposed time out. I do my best thinking when Iím all alone. Besides thereís always tomorrow - maybe heíll like some of my new ideas.


Member Comments
Member Date
Teresa Lee Rainey09/20/04
Glenn, you poor guy. . . not a cat person, hu? Oh well, at least you tell a great story. :^).
Jennifer Deibel09/20/04
hehehehe...I'm SOOO picturing my brother's cat right now! If you've read my article you know I'm most certainly a dog person! I could hear that feline's voice in my head! Nice work.
darlene hight09/20/04
I think it must be some kind of art form to be able to get inside the head of a cat or maybe that reincarnation theory....Naaah! Nice job!
Linda Germain 09/20/04
From :Miss KittyPants- the smart one who lives here.
That Halibut Kibble will do it every time! You have my sympathies, bro-cat. The people who stay in my house don't do much better than yours. I do keep the Mickey's and Minnie's away and the dog in line, and I get to double as a hot water bottle on this woman's cold feet (until she accidently knocks me off in the floor at 2 a.m.)Oh well, you can't live with 'em and you can't kill 'em...so I guess we're stuck. By the way, do you play the piano as well as you type? Mice job...I mean Nice job. :")
{p.s.hey....did you know what this little clicky thing is called on the right side of the keyboard? Yuck, it tastes awful!!}
Marina Rojas09/20/04
Oh, my goodness, I know someone who is this cat's soul-mate for pompous-ity (that's not a word, is it?) But wait! Every cat I know is like this! This is a wonderful piece!
Melanie Kerr 09/21/04
It just oozes with cat arrogance! I would like to swipe the little perisher. Forget about cuddles and cooing! Wonferfully written.
Phyllis Inniss 09/21/04
Quite an arrogant cat, but the story is well told.
Zillah Williams09/21/04
My cat has artistic tendencies too!! Very well written ('scuse me mentioning one typo, a 'to' which should be 'too'- "to personal" - it's so hard to catch 'em all). Just shows that cats are the same, the world over.
Pam Williams09/22/04
You've done a good job getting into the mind of a cat... for sure... you have a great imagination!