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Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Breaking the Rules (08/16/04)

TITLE: Undone by Underwear
By Kay Brown


I am underwear-challenged. When not surreptitiously securing slithering straps, I am sensing secretly slipping slips. Pushing shoulder pads up, pulling camisoles down and turning pantyhose around is practically my full-time job. This repetitive physical activity is the closest thing I get to actual exercise. Sometimes, I almost sweat.

My peculiar disorder may be hilarious to you, but it can lead to dangerous situations. As we were leaving in separate vehicles for church last year, my husband pulled his car ahead of my van and quite properly stopped at the edge of the driveway to look both ways. As he was looking around, I was trying to unwrap my slip, which was tightly pinning my knees together. I took my foot off my brake. It was just for a second, but…‘BAM!’ As my children say, “I barely touched him!”

I am embarrassed to confess that I hit my husband’s vehicle with my van in our own driveway. I am more embarrassed to admit that after putting the van in reverse and waving a sheepish ‘Sorry, honey,’ I became entangled again and repeated the indiscretion. My usually tolerant spouse jerked his car into ‘park’ and threw open his door. As he stormed toward my window, I clearly heard a word he very rarely utters.

Oh, if only he understood my condition!

You do not even want to know about the fugitive breast pads that I have found in strange locations. Of course, I will tell you anyway; I am quite sure all the males that were reading this essay quit long ago. One nursing pad found its way to the floor of the cereal aisle in our grocery store. It may still be there; I just stepped over it and continued to shop. One November, I found one of these cute, little round numbers frozen in the ice of our driveway; it stayed there until spring. At least it was one the lacier models.

I do have a reputation to protect.

I have noticed that very few people seem to struggle with halters, hems and hosiery the way I do. Most folks float effortlessly through their lives, seemingly unaware that sensitive body parts are being uncomfortably bound. With the exception of baseball players, who wear a diabolical elastic restraining apparatus that seems to need continuous adjustment, everyone else looks quite content with his undergarments. Are all of them in complete denial?

I wonder how many of us routinely deny or cover our flaws. Rules of behavior for mature Christians seem to dictate that we rarely reveal what we find embarrassing and imperfect about ourselves, even though these things are probably obvious to others. The shining hallmark of an authentic Christian is his or her truthful simplicity. If we are afraid to be transparent, how can Jesus shine His light through us?

Can we not be vulnerable for Jesus?

I propose that we purposely break one of these unspoken rules and not put on our ‘Christian Happy Face’ when we really need a shoulder. As we begin to expose who we really are, we can also expose who our Savior is – the one who loves all, the one who receives all and the one who restores all.

Even those of us who are underwear-challenged.

Member Comments
Member Date
Mary Elder-Criss08/23/04
Oh Kay! I'm gasping for breath here. While scrolling through the pages to see if mine had made the list, the title of your piece stopped me in my tracks. After that, there was simply no turning back. Thank you for an early morning laugh with this great piece!! Much love, Mary
Lynda Lee Schab 08/23/04
ROFL, Kay! Hilarious! You will definitely go far with your humor writing! I hope you are submitting these pieces & getting paid for them!
I need a good laugh on this Monday morning!
Blessings, Lynda
John Hunt08/23/04
Hilarious and very well written!
Patrick Whalen08/23/04
I never imagined the subject of underwear could be so wholesomely entertaining! Very funny and illustrative!
Kay Brown08/23/04
Notice: I really did not think men would read this whole article, for goodness sake.(P.S. The black eye has almost faded completely - See last week's challenge.)
Sylvia Spielman08/23/04
You've done it again, Kay! I was also captured by the title and this was a delightful read. Keep up the good work! Sylvia
darlene hight08/23/04
All I can say is how fun was this?!
Norma OGrady08/23/04
LOL...What else could someone comment here.
Joanne Malley08/23/04
You certainly have a gift of writing with humor! Thanks for the laugh!
Marina Rojas08/24/04
From a gal who never has found a "One Size Fits All" to fit her, I salute you!

This is so gosh awful true, it is absolutely hilarious!

You are uncanny!
Lucian Thompson08/25/04
My face is a little red right now. I feel like I just wondered into a ladies dressing room! Exit with smile on my face!
L.M. Lee08/26/04
Amen! WE need to be real and honest...confess our sins one to another...not our best sides!

I have seen so many people's faith shipwrecked because they tried to "look" the part when internally they were falling apart. If someone had known, they could have helped them over the rough seas.
Annette Bury08/26/04
This is hilarious! You're very talented!
Roberta Kittrell08/26/04
That seems to be a growing trend, for which I am thankful. Off with the masks. On with vulnerability clothed in His Spirit. Life on earth is too short for anything else.