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“Loser.” “Idiot.” “You’re so stupid!” “What is wrong with you? You need serious help.” “Stop making such a big deal over nothing! It’s like you want to be depressed!” “Well of course no one likes you. Have you looked in the mirror lately?… Oh that’s right, it broke didn’t it?”…
“Stop it,” she screamed, tears streaming down her face, “Shut up all of you!” The taunting voices continued relentlessly. She clapped her hands over her ears in a vain attempt to block the voices out. Self-loathing rose like a vile liquid in the back of her throat. “Leave me alone!” She screamed again. Her hands still clamped tightly over her ears, she turned and ran blindly. Her breaths came in heavy gasps as she continued to sprint recklessly from nowhere to nowhere, oblivious to the strange looks she was attracting.
The world swirled around her but whether from the incessant pouring of tears of from the delirious feeling overpowering her she did not know. She continued to run. The contempt-filled voices never stopped coming. Each pounding step brought another insult until it became a rhythmic, abusive song. “Go away, please, just go!” She gasped out desperately. Yet no matter what she did she could not block out the voices. For the voices were her own.
She stumbled and fell repeatedly but each time she picked herself up and ran on. Her hands and knees were damp with blood. She did not notice. On she ran, until she stumbled and fell a final time, this time she could not get up. She lay there whimpering and gasping as sharp pains made themselves felt. A thousand needles stabbed into her yet she took them with relief, for the voices were drowning out in the red haze of pain.
She picked up a handful of gravel in her bleeding and battered hand and rubbed it furiously into her tortured knee. The voices stopped. She had paid her penance. She had taken what she deserved. For the moment they could no longer torment her.
She lay as she fell. As her breath caught up she began sobbing; short ragged sobs that wrenched and shook her entire body. Slowly the sobs ebbed and she climbed gingerly to her feet to begin the slow, painful trudge home. Each step was agony but she accepted it as her due. What else could someone as useless and ugly as her expect?
Sometimes the biggest bully is yourself. All you have to do is accept the lies of satan.
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