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Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Bullies (08/09/04)

TITLE: Deputy Smith
By Annette Agnello
08/10/04

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Shortly after finishing college I worked at a gas station for a while. I remember a fellow trying to get gas who was so drunk that he could hardly find the opening to the tank. The two of us who were on duty agreed perhaps we should let the local police know that someone who was getting his car tanked up was already “fully tanked.” It seemed like a public service to have one less drunk on the road. The dispatcher thanked us and promised to send someone, a few minutes later Deputy Smith showed up. The drunk had gotten the gas cap off by that time but was still trying to hit the hole of the tank with the nozzle.

“Got a problem there?” asked the deputy.

“No everything’s fine, just fine.”

Reaching for the nozzle, “ Let me help you with that.” he pumped he gas, got money from the drunk and came in to pay us. “Where can I park his car, he will need to be leaving it here overnight.”

I recognized him, “Lynn Allen?”

“That’s me, do we know each other?”

“Since we were seven, we were in the same class in second grade” He still didn’t know who I was, I didn’t enlighten him. “You can park the car over there.” Lynn Allen moved the car and took the drunk to spend the night as a guest of the county.

As soon as he’d left I started laughing. I laughed so hard Valerie asked, “What’s the big joke?”

“Deputy Lynn Allen Smith,” I laughed, “Lynn Allen, on the right side of the law.” All I could think of was the Lynn Allen of my childhood. An absolute momma’s boy to be called by both his first and middle name. He had been bigger than most of the kids. He used his size to get what he wanted. We all knew he was the class bully, he mainly threatened the rest of us until he got his way. As far as I know he never hurt anyone. He did tear up a book of mine which I had brought to school when the class was studying about the American Indians, mother was furious at that. I just never figured him as being on the right side of the law. Seeing Lynn Allen in that uniform, being a law abiding citizen was a the biggest joke I had about ever seen.


Member Comments
Member Date
Dian Moore08/16/04
Good story and kept me reading until the end. In some places, your use of commas is not quite right, though, and tend to make the reader go back and re-read the sentence. The ones I'm referring to are the ones that could actually be made into two sentences or a semi-colon could separate them or you could add the word "and" to separate the clauses.

"The dispatcher thanked us and promised to send someone, a few minutes later Deputy Smith showed up."
and
“Where can I park his car, he will need to be leaving it here overnight.”
and
“That’s me, do we know each other?”
and
“Since we were seven, we were in the same class in second grade”
and
We all knew he was the class bully, he mainly threatened the rest of us until he got his way.
and
was studying about the American Indians, mother was furious at that.
Dori Knight08/16/04
i liked what i read - in fact, i would have liked to see this story expanded a bit: it was very well written.
Mary Elder-Criss08/17/04
I too, would like to know more about "Deputy Smith." (for some reason I can't get "Deputy Dog" after my mind after reading this title..sorry. Your piece was entertaining..and I enjoyed it. God Bless~Mary
Mary Elder-Criss08/17/04
Erm...I meant I can't get "Deputy Dog" OFF my mind after reading this..excuse my typos, it's the crack of dawn.
Melanie Kerr 08/17/04
Good story. It is nice to know that people change and grow up - sometimes!
L.M. Lee08/19/04
Well..I hope he isn't using his "bullying" to enforce the law! :-)