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Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Bullies (08/09/04)

TITLE: The Bully Brush-off
By L.M. Lee
08/09/04

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Hiya Joes and Dames! My name is Lefty, and dah this is my story - see!

See I heard yous guys were interested in stories about bullies. Well I reckon my story is about as good as you can get!

My bully was the meanest, the cruelest, the rottenest, most despicable, low life, tormenting bully in the entire world and he lived right here in my head! That's right...I said my head. Wanta make something of it?

Ain’t that just dandy? He was with me wherever I was! And you thought you got problems!

This guy never lets! He criticized everything I thunk, say or did, and he’d always pick on me about everything, didn’t matter what. When that wasn’t enough he’d sabotage my relationships, disrespect my self-respect, wreck my ideas and routinely feed me a pack of lies. He distorted every little bit of information I got.

Yep, He’s a real pro. He’s like one of them special Delta forces C.I.A types. You know real sneaky, kinda shifty between the eyes. He’s always looking for ways to steal my stuff, kill me or destroy me! And he don’t never let up. He’s like on steroids are something.

And I ain’t makin’ this stuff up, neither. It’s the God’s honest truth! Cross my heart!

For years I’ve battled this guy. Some folks says I’m just paranoid, whatever that means!

Other folks told me, “Lefty just stand right up to him! Face-to-face! Duke it out to the finish! Show ‘em who’s boss! You face him head on…he’ll back down and leave you alone.”

Right! Some folks don’t know what it feels like to be pinned underneath a full body slam!

Someone said, “Lefty, the best thing to do is just ignore him. He will go away.”

Do roaches ever really disappear? Comparatively speaking, this guy has a longer shelf life than the frozen Wooly Mammoth at the Smithsonian.

Just try ignoring him! Those speakers at the theater, you know the ones, the full-blown Dolby digitized surround sound don’t even register on the decibel scale compared to this guy’s screaming tirades.

And earplugs…get real! That only keeps his squawking from seeping out.

A few of them diplomatic types advised, “Be more civil with him. You’ve got to give peace a chance! Pursue a friendship. This bully is just lonely and needs companionship. If you would just accept him as he is, not judge him, show him you mean him no harm; all would be well. No need to resort to brut force as a solution.”

I should have been suspicious when they said he needed “companionship”…the guy is already with me 24/7…how much chummier could we get?

My bully does not want to have a Dr. Phil moment; he wants to annihilate me, throw water on my face, slap me a few times to make sure I’m good and awake and then go at it again. Talk about turning the other cheek!

I even consulted one of those ancient Mayan exorcists to get the guy to stop “possessing” me! Oh, it was bad… it was very bad!

Nothing worked until the Blood of Jesus Christ!

He was the most amazing thing ever!

The Blood of Jesus Christ liberally applied to that bully’s little hide-out and poof, scram, skedaddle, adios, vamoose, and he was outta there!

But there’s something you should be aware of…

You gotta follow all the instructions! You can’t just apply the Blood one time, sweep up the place and leave…nope! If you do that, Mr. Bully comes back with seven of his best friends…friends who make bully seem, well almost … kinda genteel, in a sick perverted sort of way!

Don’t ask me how I know this! You don’t want me to go there.

But back to the full instructions…

You can’t just apply the Blood of Jesus Christ and walk off. Nope! You gotta learn His Words. You gotta make sure bully’s hide-out is filled up with Jesus words…otherwise, like I said, it ain’t a pretty picture! Don’t make me go there!

So take it from me, Lefty O. Denseisme, if you got a bully problem ‘tween ya ears, Jesus Christ is the only thing that little jerk respects!

----

Matthew 12:43-45 & Romans 12:1-3

© 8/9/04 Lissa M. Lee


Member Comments
Member Date
Mary Elder-Criss08/16/04
Lissa,

As usual, outstanding piece. I so enjoy your style of writing, and your dialogue skills. An important truth conveyed in a fun read. Great job!
Mary
Dori Knight08/16/04
how neat! a well planned lesson delivered in a new package ... good job!
Melanie Kerr 08/16/04
"this guy has a longer shelf life than the frozen Wooly Mammoth at the Smithsonian." Pure genius! I loved this from start to finish. He finishes with such good sdvice too.
Dian Moore08/16/04
Great Originality, Lissa. A timeless lesson told in an engaging manner. Teens would get this.
Joanne Malley08/16/04
Creative and well-written once again! Always a pleasure to read and learn from you.
Colleen Smith08/16/04
I like your style. And you speak truth here that everyone needs to hear. Good job.
sue moreland08/16/04
You have a gift for telling a story in an attention grabbing way. I enjoyed the whole story.
darlene hight08/17/04
"This guy doesn't want to have a Dr.Phil moment" I love that line and this piece.It's excellent
Marina Rojas08/17/04
Put 'em up!
Put 'em up!
This article was a real knockout!
Lucian Thompson08/18/04
Outstanding…I mean OUTSTANDING! Wow…what a fun ride! I had to hold on to keep from falling in the floor with laughter. Then you tied in the message that made it all worthwhile. Great job!
Sandra Perry08/18/04
What a cool take on the topic! I love the voice you've given the speaker.
Sylvia Spielman08/18/04
Lissa, great job!! Sylvia
John Hunt08/18/04
Very unique, a clever use of colloquial english.
Great job!
Larry Hill08/18/04
I really enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you for sharing your talents with us all.
Sheila Boyd08/19/04
This is truly the Gospel in a nutshell. It seemed to me that your writing style changed a bit as the story progressed, but I enjoyed it very much. Excellent job.
Karen O'Leary08/19/04
The opening line already captured my interest. Very creative!!
Christine Rhee08/21/04
Hey Lissa, this is great!! The colloquial English is very effective...kind of drops out at one point but then you pick it up again.
Deborah Anderson08/22/04
I liked the angle you took on this, plus the humor incorporated in it. Thank you and God bless.
Henry Swart08/22/04
I love Lefty's voice, in fact, I love Lefty. Well drawn character.