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Dear Mrs. Stults;
I had a very looooong talk with my daughter Cori today and told her what a bad girl that she is for pushing stinky Ol’ Cristofer down on his bottom and making all of the other kids laugh at him. She was a very bad girl and I am going to ground her for a hundred years, and also make her take out the rubbish for a whole month, so you don’t need to keep her in detention anymore, ‘cause she’s learnt her lesson now.
The thing is though, just between us grown ups, Ol’ Cristopher didn’t need to push Cori first, just cause she was sitting in his girlfriend’s seat, cause you know, you were the one to tell her to sit there in the first place, so really, this is your fault. But I’m not really mad at you, so don’t call me, okay?
She also wanted you to know she didn’t push Ol’ Cristofer that hard, and that he is a crybaby, he cries more than her three year old sister and that’s saying something, because, my that girl can cry. But she is sorry about the broken chair, and will bring glue in tomorrow to fix it.
Cori says she had a hard time understanding you, being as it was her first day and all in this new elementary school, and in this country and are you sure you explained to Ol’ Cristofer in English that his girlfriend was to move? She thought maybe it was Double Dutch because it sounded weird to her.
She also wondered whether she really had to talk to stinky Cris ever again because, you see, once she punched him on the nose and made him cry even harder, he said that he would hit her if she ever came near him again. Not that she cares mind you, but she doesn’t want him to get hurt again.
Now about the chalk board, Cori will apologise about it getting bent, although ‘tween us grownups I really don’t think she should, ‘cause she cut her head open on it, and had to get six stitches. And really, it was not her fault, Cristopher pushed her second and a girl has a right to defend herself doesn’t she?
After our long talk, Cori knows what she did was wrong, and she is sorry that she ever saw or sat next to Ol’ Cristofer, and she hopes you’ll seat her somewhere else tomorrow.
She hopes you will give her detention to Cris instead, ‘cause he deserves it more than her. So, please don’t punish her anymore, after all, it was her first day in a brand new school, and we all know elementary school is hard enough on kids anyway.
Love
Cori’s Mom
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