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We’d gone fishing. I had suggested it, and the others came along willingly enough. I suppose I thought that fishing, at least, was one thing I could do well! I’d failed so badly in lots of ways.
While we waited that night, I thought of the many mistakes I’d made. There seemed to be so many. I’d doubted and wondered, and tried to work things out for myself. Like the time that He asked us to feed all those people. How could we do that, with so little food? I knew that we couldn’t, that they’d have to go away hungry. However, He knew better. Every one was fed, with food to spare, leaving the boys and I embarrassed at our lack of faith.
Worse, was the time I’d said that no way was He going to be killed! I can hardly bear to remember what He said. “Get you behind me, Satan.” I know now what He meant. I was so full of myself then.
As I remembered those times, I of course could not but think of these last few days. “I’ll stand by You, Jesus!” I said. So full of myself! Then when we went out to pray, I fell asleep! He asked us to watch with Him, and, can you believe it, we fell asleep. Looking back, I think He may have actually needed us then, and we let Him down. Asleep, in His hour of need. I am ashamed.
I moved on, in my thoughts. The worst was yet to come. Not only did I sleep, but I denied that I ever knew Him. While He suffered, was beaten and ridiculed, I denied Him three times, the last time cursing and swearing to make my point. How those who think themselves mighty have fallen! How low I had become!
As I waited, catching nothing, I heard a voice. Morning was approaching, and the voice from shore suggested we cast our nets on the other side. I felt a slight stirring in my heart, as I remembered a time before. Sure enough, when we recast our nets, they soon were full. We would hardly be able to bring in the catch.
Now, I knew. It was He. Quickly I put on my coat and leapt into the water. I must be with Him! Whatever He would say, I must hear! We pulled in the nets, and then had breakfast. After, He and I went for a walk.
I don’t really want to say too much about the talk we had. Enough to say that I know He loves and forgives me. That in itself is truly amazing. As well as that, however, He told me that I have a part to play in His plan. I am truly humbled, and completely set free! I thank and praise Him, who is, after all, God, most high!
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