Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Join Faith
Writers
Forum
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Get Our Daily Devotional             Win A Publishing Package             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Beginnings (05/31/04)

TITLE: BDEEP by Kenny Paul Clarkson
By Kenny Paul Clarkson
06/01/04

 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

Spring showers drummed a steady rhythm. It was a warm afternoon, a welcomed change to the usual cool breeze that chilled the Upper Peninsula. Corrie lowered her head to see above her spectacles. It was there, all right, the message from Brother Ben. With a click of the mouse the message opened wide.

“Corrie,” he wrote, “take a look at this.”

She scrolled down the screen to catch a glimpse of the photo. Look at what? She leaned closer. A boat on the beach. A smiling guy dressed in 1940s garb. Horn rimmed glasses. Big fish in tow. Big smile. Big deal. She didn’t get it.

She sniffed, then glanced toward beads of rain racing down the window pain. She lowered her head to look beyond the tops of her bifocals. Her wondering stare gazed at waves of gray — a refection of the overcast sky — lapping the shoreline. Another day, another storm, she thought. The Lake Michigan Coast Guard had warned of stormy weather. And they were right.

She clicked her mouse yet another time. The face of the smiling fisherman doubled in size; then doubled again.

“Nice pic, Rev,” she typed. Then send. The email was returned.

At forty-two, Corrie had given surrendered any thought of marriage long ago. Plump was not a word suitors often mentioned when looking for a mate. There had been beaus, but only a few; none she cared to pursue. Life was fine as it was.

She pushed away from the desk and sauntered to the Mr. Coffee brewing on the bookstand. Again, she peered out the window. The warm brew took the edge off the dank afternoon. Again, she stared at the lake.

Bdeeep. Another email.

This time she looked closer. She had to. Brother Ben had enlarged the photo. The fisherman’s horn rims filled the screen.

“What do you see?” he wrote.

The Reverend could have told her forthrightly. But he preferred she see it on her own.

“My eyes,” she said aloud. “Those are my eyes.” Unconsciously she touched the bridge of her nose. “And my mole,” she added.

“No doubt about it,” she tapped the words effortlessly. “That’s my uncle. Thanks, Rev.” Send.

It was a satisfying feeling. She sipped her coffee. No one has heard from her uncle since 1953. Something about the war, they told her. He was never the same, never came home; just wondered place to place until he disappeared.

To Corrie is was an interesting footnote of her past. And it was her lighthouse; the only home she had ever known. But her parents, now gone, had never bothered to transfer the deed. It belonged to her uncle, they said. And only he could transfer the ownership. The county said it belonged to them; and without proof that her uncle had even been at her home, she had little chance of proving ownership.

She breathed deeply. She knew it was coming. It was just a matter of time. An apartment in town wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe it was time for a change.

Bdeep.

Leaning forward, she opened Brother Ben’s next message. “Look again. Closer.”

She did.

It was there. She smiled broadly. Why hadn’t she seen it before? The familiar black stripes broadly wrapping the sun bleached column was unmistakable. My eyes, my mole and my lighthouse reflecting in his glasses. He was here! She looked again. The same reflection could be faintly seen in each of his eyes. But when? She wondered.

Bdeep.

“1964,” the Reverend wrote. He expected her query. “Your dad painted the lighthouse in 1964. You were two at the time. You uncle was there with you and your father. The pic proves it.”

“Slam dunk?” she asked. Send.

“We’ll ask Fred in the morning.” Brother Ben’s reply referred to Corrie’s attorney. “But abandoned property it ain’t.” Corrie chuckled at the Reverend’s unusual choice of words.

“Abandoned property I ain’t” she corrected. Then added, “Sounds like a sermon, eh?”

Send.


Member Comments
Member Date
WENDY DECKER06/07/04
Very nice story. It kept my attention from the beginning. However, alot of typos.
Dian Moore06/07/04
Good story and the Corrie character was very much alive. The story needs some editing, though. I am the worst one at not catching my own typos. But I can spot other people's. I would be glad to proofread an entry before you submit it. The offer goes to anyone. I hate to see a story diminished by our fingers not obeying our minds. Thanks for sharing - it even has a plot!
Kenny Paul Clarkson06/07/04
I caught the following typo...

You uncle was there with you and your father

Are there others?

Please be sure you're not confusing style (poetic license) with errors.
Linda Miller06/07/04
Hi Kenny - Really nice article. I saw the word "reflection" was mispelled. Just wanted you to know because you asked. I enjoyed reading it - keep on writing!
Gary Sims06/07/04
Kenny – Here are a couple of the errors I found at first glance: “Corrie had given surrendered any thought of marriage long ago” probably should read “Corrie had given to surrender any…” The two past tense verbs don’t work together but the phrasing is neat.

Another one is: “To Corrie is was an interesting footnote” which should be “it” instead of “is”

It was a good story though I didn’t catch the link why a picture in 1964 showed residency to a lighthouse today. It was probably there and I missed it.

Don’t take the comments on typos too personally…they are not meant to be critical of your efforts or story. Editing is the hardest thing we do, especially when our heart are involved in our writing. - Gary

PS: I love the title. I can just hear the sound. (However, you spelled your made up word two different ways in the article.)

Good job and thank you for your submission - Gary
Dan Blankenship 06/07/04
To KPC,

I really liked the story. I don't care about the typos... :-) I know they happen. Writers need to write a lot, and if you write a lot, you will make mistakes.

Great job!
God Bless.
Sincerely,
Dan Blankenship
www.therunninggirl.com

Dan Blankenship 06/07/04
Like that bad sentence on the end of my review. Sorry, the pizza arrived...hungry-hurry.

Linda Germain 06/07/04
Kenn, having read your excellent work before, I applaud this interesting and different story. You have a creative mind (and I KNOW about fingers doing their own thing on keyboards...like runaway horses or noncompliant children :0) Keep smiling
Deborah Porter 06/07/04
Kenny, this was a great story. I got the connection easily enough and found it an enjoyable read from start to finish. I LIKED Corrie, even in such a short space of time.

Usually I'm someone who spots a typo a mile away, but apart from a couple that were mentioned, I actually didn't see anything major (or glaringly bad - there's a difference between the odd typo and major spelling/grammar/phrasing mistakes - you don't have any!)

My only question would be whether it's really on target for the theme. If there is a "beginnings" reference or hidden connection, I'm just missing it, which is a pity because I think the story is so good. You are very talented. With love, Deb
Deborah Porter 06/07/04
Oops! Just realised I sound like I'm contradicting myself. The "connection" I meant in my first sentence was to do with how the photo of the uncle showed that he'd been at the property. I didn't mean the connection to the theme 'beginnings'. Love, Deb
Melanie Kerr 06/09/04
An excellent piece of narrative. I too wish the reverend had just old her instead of saying "Look". People have already mentioned typos - it is becoming too much, people pointing out all the mistakes. I know it has to be done.
L.M. Lee06/09/04
how very entertaining this was!
B Price06/10/04
some typos which you are aware of already. Interesting story, hope we hear more of the story.
those of us that are curious wants to know more like myself. LOL
GOD BLESS