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Do you ever get tired of falling? I am. I fall to the same stupid temptation over and over again. I do pretty good for a while, then the next thing I know...crash. After a few years, I figure the Lord has to be tired of me falling in the same area of my life. How can He continue to forgive me? How can I continue to say "I'm so sorry?" It feels totally useless.
Can I really change? Am I really sorry? I honestly don't know. As I walk through life I come to a crossroad with a decision to make. Which path will I choose? I walk the wrong way, it seems more attractive to me some days. At the end of my detour, it's a long way back home. A long way. My mind is cluttered with thoughts, I can't see my way clearly. I feel like I have a hangover and I don't drink.
Finally, back home, I'm silent on my knees. I feel like I just wallowed in the mud, dirty as can be, and I can't clean myself up. So I have to come to His throne, in His presence, like this. Only at this time does the path I took not look attractive at all. I see it for what it really is. I understand why He doesn't want me to go that direction. My spirit is weak, I can't be fruitful, and my relationship with the One who loves me the most is torn.
I want things to be different, better than ever before. It means getting off of the emotional roller coaster and standing, grounded in Him. I have to remember His promises, everything He has taught me, and apply it to my life. Maybe you are going through a similar situation and know how I feel. I'll pray for you, I ask that you pray with me. I'm beginning to realize I can't live right by myself. I need help. Not someone being critical and putting me down. But someone who will show love in spite of my faults. Love can conquer evil, Jesus proves this to us. So the next time I'm at a crossroad, I'll choose the right path instead. Jesus loves us. Peace...
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