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Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Paths (05/17/04)

TITLE: Start Over
By Eric Christopher Jackson


Do you ever get tired of falling? I am. I fall to the same stupid temptation over and over again. I do pretty good for a while, then the next thing I know...crash. After a few years, I figure the Lord has to be tired of me falling in the same area of my life. How can He continue to forgive me? How can I continue to say "I'm so sorry?" It feels totally useless.

Can I really change? Am I really sorry? I honestly don't know. As I walk through life I come to a crossroad with a decision to make. Which path will I choose? I walk the wrong way, it seems more attractive to me some days. At the end of my detour, it's a long way back home. A long way. My mind is cluttered with thoughts, I can't see my way clearly. I feel like I have a hangover and I don't drink.

Finally, back home, I'm silent on my knees. I feel like I just wallowed in the mud, dirty as can be, and I can't clean myself up. So I have to come to His throne, in His presence, like this. Only at this time does the path I took not look attractive at all. I see it for what it really is. I understand why He doesn't want me to go that direction. My spirit is weak, I can't be fruitful, and my relationship with the One who loves me the most is torn.

I want things to be different, better than ever before. It means getting off of the emotional roller coaster and standing, grounded in Him. I have to remember His promises, everything He has taught me, and apply it to my life. Maybe you are going through a similar situation and know how I feel. I'll pray for you, I ask that you pray with me. I'm beginning to realize I can't live right by myself. I need help. Not someone being critical and putting me down. But someone who will show love in spite of my faults. Love can conquer evil, Jesus proves this to us. So the next time I'm at a crossroad, I'll choose the right path instead. Jesus loves us. Peace...

Member Comments
Member Date
B Price05/24/04
a interesting page for a journal.
I think in the beginning you used a line that wasn't necessary. as YOU wrote " it's a long way back home. A long way. "
that last a long way home could been left out.
Lynne Gaunt05/25/04
Your article reminds me of the Apostle Paul as he struggled with his sinful self in Romans 7:21-25. "What a wretched man I am!" Good article. You made your point well.
Melanie Kerr 05/26/04
God's grace does not just get us onto the right path but keeps us on it. It seems to me that the dilemma are trying describe is the trap of thinking you can achieve by your own strength what God wants to give you by faith.
L.M. Lee05/26/04
this sounds like so many people. i'm reading Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson...he gives some really great insight in how to get off this crazy lifestyle!

Thank God for Christian writers who are honest and help us find our way.
Leticia Caroccio05/27/04
Eric, you are not alone. Thank God for His grace - it is immeasureable. We all struggle with temptation and sin. Satan knows which buttons to press and does so freely. We must call on the Holy Spirit for strength. We must seek help in prayer from our brothers and sisters. This is a mighty defense and you should use it.

"Stubborn Love" a song by Kathy Troccoli is an amazingly uplifting song that has helped to carry me through some rough moments.

I will certainly keep you in prayer.
Deborah Porter 05/28/04
Oh Eric, this was straight from the heart. There was such an honesty and naked vulnerability in every line. Yet, it finished with encouragement and gentleness. Good work. With love, Deb
Eric Christopher Jackson05/28/04
Thank you all for your prayers, encouragement, and taking time out to read my article. Stay blessed & continue to take a stand for Jesus Christ.