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Topic: Power (05/10/04)
TITLE: Finding Power when I am Powerless
By Kara Hofmann-Harris
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On the other hand, I know the power of the negative also. As a person dealing with bipolar disorder, deep recurring depression, and anxiety there are many feelings of powerlessness. I think a discussion of power is not compete without mentioning the feelings that go along with powerlessness.
When I am in a very low part of my life, I feel that outside pressure pushing me down and the pull of the Tempter to make me forget me God and his ability. At those times in my life, I am struggling with power, the lack of my own and the world’s power calling to me. Sometimes that call is to do nothing, just stay in bed. Other times that call is to harm myself or to runaway. When those are the powers that I feel, it is easy to forget that God is near and will call to me if I let Him and listen for His voice. That is when I have to rely on my power to hear God, come out of the darkness and start trying to live again. This can not be done by my sheer will, I have to put my faith in God. I also have to recognize that it is wok for me to give power to my family and my friends and the professionals who will help me with the rest of this journey.
I spent may years thinking I had enough strength and power to over come my disorders and that my Faith would help me be carried through. Please don’t over let the Tempter tell you this, because Faith, if it hath not works, is dead. (James 2:17 KJV) That is where true power comes from, following your faith and working with it and on it and most of all for it to help in any aspect of your life. Faith has to be worked to receive real power from with in and most importantly above.
By using these things I am able to have some feelings of power again. I can not make worship services right now all the time because I have social anxiety and I get overwhelmed when I am in a group of people. I do my best though, I try to make it at least on Sunday nights so I am still able to participate in Communion, that way I can renew the bond between Christ and myself and have a boost in my power.