Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Worship (05/03/04)

TITLE: Everyone Worships, Especially the Jones'
By Joanne Malley
05/07/04

 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

Everyone Worships, Especially the Jones'
By Joanne Malley




"Aaaah! Now, this is the life," sighs Michael Jones. Thank goodness I have the day off. I really need a breather, he thinks. He's home because he's taking a well-deserved day of relaxation and a break from his latest, very profitable business venture. He's been in his comfy, blue easy chair equipped with the pulsating back and leg vibrators. It was a very expensive gift to himself for being so sly and intelligent on his last big deal.

He has been planted in it for the past three hours and has just polished down his fifth bottle of light beer. Psssssttt! The refreshing sound of release the bottle cap makes always excites my taste buds, he thinks with pleasure. Is this my fifth beer, he questions himself. Realizing that it is, he thinks, no biggy! I drink it only to relax. At 27, with the amount of beer he drinks, he's lucky the beer gut hasn't caught up with him yet! .

His wife, Sarah, has been in the gourmet kitchen of their beautiful 6,000 sq. foot home, custom designed with cherry cabinetry and a professional grade stainless steel stove. She's a lovely Christian woman, and mother of two, who even though could afford a cook, would rather tend to it herself. There's nothing like a warm, home-cooked meal, she remembers, as she recollects the love she always felt from her mother doing a nurturing task such as this. After her meal gets started, she retreats to the library where she can enjoy a toasty, warm fire and continue reading the Book of John.

Back in the family room, MTV has been blaring on the television where Michael is sure to catch his favorite rock idols, and he just can't get enough of the heart-pounding music and lyrics. He thinks they're soooo cool and is in awe of their stage presence and popularity. One would think by now he'd outgrow his need for such a connection, but he still catches every concert that he can. He is always in one of the front rows in a verbal, idolizing frenzy. Since he was a teenager, he's always wished he was one of them.

On his next trip to the fridge where he's happy to find another cold one, he dials his business partner with the hand adorned with a masculine diamond pinky ring. "Hey, Chuck, what's going on with the Wilson deal? I forgot to speak with you about it. I'm sure we can convince him to act now, don't you think?" "Absolutely. Dealing with him is like getting a small kid to take a piece of candy," replies Chuck. "Have you any idea how much money this could mean for us," asks Michael. "About two cool million, pal, two coooool million," exclaims Chuck. "I can feel and smell the color of green already," responds Michael excitedly.

Sarah feels her eyes getting sleepy, and hears the faint sound of Micheal's television channel down the hall. She loves him, but doesn't feel totally connected, for his lack of faith truly separates them. Moist tears of regret fill up her eyes as she thinks back to the biggest mistake of her life. Getting pregnant out of wedlock many years ago is a reminder of what could happen to anyone in a moment of weakness. He did the right thing and married her, though, and thankfully, she's past the guilt. She knows the Lord truly forgives all who trust in him. But, now, she has no choice but to make the best of her life and hope she can get her husband to see the goodness of God.

As Michael retires for the night, he kisses Sarah, adjusts his pillow and thinks, life doesn't get any better than this! Little does he know how wrong he is. Sarah returns the kiss, and responds, I love you; have a good sleep. Michael falls asleep almost immediately. All of that beer must have caught up with him once again.

She can now have her quiet moments with God and prays with all her heart and soul. Dear Lord, she prays, having you in my life and worshiping you gives me peace and contentment. Please change Michael's act of worship into an act that is pure, right and holy. He only worships himself, his ice cold beer and our millions. Please let him see that his constant attention to them is wrong. For we owe our thanks and our worship only to you. Please direct Michael's path straight. Amen. As she drifts off, she's thinking about her life and thanking God for all of her blessings. Praying for Michael each night has become a ritual, for she is hopeful he will one day come to only worship God.


Member Comments
Member Date
Corinne Smelker 05/10/04
Interesting take on this week's topic, and because of that, it will stand out.

If you tightened the piece up a little - used more active voice and more dialogue, you could really make this piece outstanding. Your descriptions are good in the beginning, but a better way to draw the reader in is to show us the chair - not tell us what it is. Show us his worship of MTV, not tell us.

I like the prayer at the end - again, if you had written as an actual prayer, it might have more impact.

Good effort, you have a good imagination, and I like the way you took this from a different slant - you definitely thought out of the box!
WENDY DECKER05/11/04
VERY UNIQUE TAKE ON "WORSHIP". WELL WRITTEN AND DESCRIBED.
Phyllis Inniss 05/14/04
A very interesting slant on "Worship". The wife's prayer life contrasts with the husband's worship of self and my feeling is the wife will win in the end.
Kevin Kindrick01/01/05
Y'know,
I'm sad that I just now got a chance to read this, I should have read it long ago. This is a truly touching piece, and I enjoyed every moment of it. This look into the different types of worship in one family - worship of God, as compared to worship of self and money - is truly eye-opening. Thank you very much for writing this.

God bless,

Kevin
Verna Cole Mitchell 07/04/07
How about someone getting 2nd place for a first entry!
You certainly wrote a thought-provoking article. The descriptions were excellent and the writing clear, despite the punctuation. You've come a long way mechanics-wise, but it seems, you've always had the words.
Jacquelyn Horne07/04/07
This is a good pov here. It's a winner in spite of being a first. Good job.
Rita Garcia07/04/07
2nd place right out of the starting gate...and so well deserved. Wonderful first entry!
Joanne Sher 07/04/07
Love the POV on this, Jo. You've got one heck of a message here. Definitely some stuff that could use some polishing, but there's definitely a gem under there, my friend!
Lynda Lee Schab 07/05/07
2nd place? And you said your first entry was no good...ha! I have to say I agree with what Cori said originally about the more active voice - you tell more than show, which is the mistake of many new writers. But, hello! For the first thing you EVER wrote? You should be very proud, girlie. :-)
Brenda Welc07/07/07
I really liked the thought processes that must have went on behind the scenes to write this. Very good and congrats on the 2nd place!