Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Water (04/26/04)

TITLE: Living Springs
By Caroline Alderson
04/26/04

 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

Talitha sat at her desk, studying. She sensed darkness coming to the Alpha System. The darkness was getting stronger and stronger. She saw dread and deep evil attempting to cause a takeover of the Alpha System. What did it mean? Talitha couldn't put her finger on it, but something wasn't right. Something was very wrong. She had to find out what it was.

word count - 704

Rising from her desk, she strolled over to the window. Gazing out at the rolling hills on the planet Jirah, she saw her father on a horse, riding toward the house. Walking alone beside him was Talitha's horse, Loyalty. She'd had Loyalty since he was a baby. Now, he was five years old. Talitha loved to ride him all over the land. Jirah had lovely sunsets, and dawns, and it was a peaceful time to go riding.

Talitha's father, Leonard Dalton, at age sixty-three was still a good-looking man, with black graying hair, which he wore well. Often, her and her father would go riding together. Her father had taught her to ride when she was quite young. Talitha opened her window, and saw her father looking up at her.

"Talitha, come down for a ride. You've been cooped up too long in that room. I know your work is important to the Alpha System, but you need to take some time out to enjoy yourself. Loyalty needs to be ridden, He waved her to come down.

"Ok, Father, I do need a break. I'll be down shortly."

Grabbing her white shawl, she ran down the stairs out the door, walking over and climbing onto her horse.

Talitha's father was Commander in Chief, in charge of the Alpha System Military, including Zo Space Academy. As a result, they lived very well. They owned ninety-eight acres of rolling hills and forests. Beautiful trees and plants grew in abundance. As they were riding along, and talking, an exquisite white dove flew overhead, landing on a nearby tree branch.

Leonard Dalton headed up a gentle slope. "I want to show you something enchanting, Talitha."

They zigzagged around some huge, brown boulders with moss growing in between, where the boulders touched. Densely growing trees populated the area around the boulders. Strangely, a trail emerged, wide enough for horses. They traveled through the boulders for a while, and then came to a rift.

Talitha heard an unusual sound. "Father, what is that sound?" It sounded like a waterfall.

"Talitha, come look at this."

Talitha rode up beside her father. Looking through the rift, a magnificent sight caught her eye. Springs bubbled up. Looping around, they climbed up the back of a rock wall, falling over the side facing them, becoming a waterfall. "Oh, my goodness! Where did that come from? I've been all over this land; I've never seen this before." She was amazed at the sight.

Her father looked at her, pleased with the reaction. "You like it?"

"Oh, yes! It's astounding!"

"I thought you'd like it. I discovered water bubbling out of these rocks quite by accident, about three months ago, while you were away on a mission. I thought it would be a nice surprise to have it turned into a waterfall. I had boulders moved out of the way, that was hindering the water from flowing up into a bubbling stream. They did some digging, expanding the bubbling enough to build the waterfall. I thought you'd be pleased, Talitha."

Slipping off of her horse, Talitha shimmied down the hill, keeping her footing, down to the river. It was magnificent. It looked like living water, the way the water bubbled up out of the ground. There were several bubbling springs coming up, and flowing into a narrow river about 8 feet wide. The small waterfall shot past the springs, flowing down over the rocks about ten feet below. She wondered how there could be that much force, to make the water flow that well. She was reminded of the scripture, where Jesus told the woman at the well, John 7:38 He who believes in Me [who cleaves to and trusts in and relies on Me] as the Scripture has said, From his innermost being shall flow [continuously] springs and rivers of living water.


Member Comments
Member Date
Donna Haug05/03/04
You have a great imagination and your dialogue flowed well. There are a few spots where tense and point of view need a little work. ie. "Often, her (she) and her father ..." and "ran down the stairs, walking (walked) over, and climbing (climbed)..." Also, what happened to the evil? I sounded pretty terrifying in your opening paragraph and then is not mentioned again. This has the makings of a good story.
Phyllis Inniss 05/05/04
This is an interesting story, but I agree the evil just evaporated. We, however,had a magnificent waterfall.
L.M. Lee05/06/04
what a fascinating tale.
Michelle Earl05/06/04
Please please! Tell me more! I hope this continues on to become a novel! This is wonderfully written. You have a talent with words. I could see it all, and that's what makes it a wonderful piece! Good work!