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Previous Challenge Entry
Topic: Doors (04/05/04)

TITLE: Behold I stand at the door (but not with bandages or a bottle of wine)
By Melanie Kerr


I feel very bashed about right now. In a week or two’s time things will get back into perspective and I will see things in a more balanced way, but right now all my emotional bruises are throbbing and I feel like I have cracked a spiritual rib or two. I won’t go into details about what happened, because I know that the way I will tell it will be to illicit your support and call you to my side of the boxing ring. Let’s just say that I tried to do something thoughtful and loving for a friend. It didn’t run out that way and my friend felt very hurt. It really isn’t such a big deal but it is getting blown out of all proportion.

I feel like I would like to hide away and lick my wounds. I don’t particularly want to work on my defence or call in any witnesses. I don’t want to massage my injured ego. I sometimes do that when I feel aggrieved. I just want to not think about it. I just want to immerse myself in some escapist book or mindless film and not think about it.

I wasn’t reading a mindless book though. I was reading the Sunday paper. There was an article written by a man who had sat down to read the Bible cover to cover in an attempt to find out what it was that Christians find so fascinating about the book. I would like to say that by the end of the article he had found faith, but he had seen only those more violent stories in the Old Testament and found only despair! At the bottom half of the same page another writer spoke out in defence of the Bible, but it was not his words that caught my attention. Alongside his words was a famous picture. “The Light of the World” portrays Jesus, complete with halo and storm lamp standing outside a door, knocking. I have a friend, another friend, not the one I just hurt, who did an Open University degree in Art history. I remember her pointing out to me all the tiny little details in the picture and me relying, “Wow!” every so often.

As I look at the picture now, I wish I could change just one little detail. Instead of a storm lamp, I wish Jesus was holding a pile of bandages under his arm. Here am I, behind my door, licking my wounds and a pile of bandages would be really useful right now! Or what about a bottle of wine and the latest DVD to watch? That would really take my mind off things.

The very fact that Jesus is knocking on the door tells me that he wants to be involved in what is happening in my life right now. I have already opened that door and he is inside with me. I will take Him without the bandages and the bottle of wine. I will allow him to shine his light on my bruises and perhaps see a little more clearly that some of them at least are self-inflicted. I will see that Jesus delights in mending things that are broken whether it is people’s lives or relationships. I will see the best way towards reconciliation and allow him to strengthen me for the task.

Jesus never carried bandages anyway!

Revelation 3:20 “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.”

Member Comments
Member Date
Caroline Alderson04/13/04
that was very moving and emotional. I can feel your pain. I pray for your peace, and the depression and fear to be cast far, far away, in Jesus name.
Isn't writing a wonderful way to express all your feelings! When it comes from your heart it's always good. Nicely written.
L.M. Lee04/13/04
well, anyone whose been a Christian for more than a day...has been at this place! great read.
Naomi Deutekom04/13/04
I am so glad He is always knocking!
Dave Wagner04/13/04
Glad you're still plugging along. Thanks for sharing. We've either all been there, or will all be there soon enough. It's a hard road, but on the other side is growth, and that's priceless, in the final analysis.

I appreciate the human touch all over this piece. It makes it very readable, and very potent. Good submission.
Melanie Kerr 04/15/04
I appreciate your comments here. I wrote the article a few hours after the event. At that point there wasn't any "rest of the story". I didn't feel it appropriate to give any details of how exactly I hurt my friend or how exactly she responded. It seemed enough to know that the hurt had occurred. The hurt on my side was simply knowing that I had hurt her deeply. Incredibly sharp words were said at the time. The Athiest Bible writer was there simply because the headline of his article caught my attention. It was the picture that was the focus. So there is no story to tell about him. The picture - I assumed that the reader was familiar with the picture. I assumed knowledge that some people might not have had. The resolution I couldn't write about because at the point there wasn't one. I was simply trying to say that it is an important step in the process of healing to allow Jesus to reveal his perspective. People hurt, people hide and somewhere down the line people need to face their hurts. My story was trying to follow the process of how that can begin. It is not enough to slap a bandage on somewhere that hurts, which is what, at the time I wanted to do. You need to start looking at how the hurt happened and what you can do about it, but that does not happen right away. Maybe I should not have written about it so close to the event. The topic was "doors", the event and the picture seemed appropriate at the time.
Leticia Caroccio04/16/04
Why do we tend to be so hard on ourselves. Don't beat yourself up so much. The world does a good enough job doing that. And yes, maybe the Lord never carried bandages, but He carries us, He carries our burdens and He heals our wounds, even those that are self-inflicted. Don't despair. Our hope is in Him. I think there was a lot more you wanted to say and perhaps didn't trust yourself to do so, especially in light of your recent misunderstanding. Remember, the Holy Spirit interprets even our moans and groans when we do not have the words to speak. I am a new Christian and have found myself on my knees in deep emotional and spiritual pain. So much pain that I couldn't get words to come out of my mouth. There is healing even in silence. I feel the need to pray for you. Keep on writing. Good entry.