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My life is like a room full of open doors. I know it's time to leave this room, I only need to choose the door and it's path beyond.
The possibilities are endless. The opportunities are overwhelming. Which door should I choose? Which path should I take? "Oh, Lord, guide me. Lead me. Protect me."
I see one that is intriguing. I decide to take it. It seems to be a good door with a path of noble and worthwhile endeavors. With my mind set, I walk across the room to the door of my choice. Yet as I reach it, it closes before my eyes.
I'm shocked. I try to open it, but it will not budge. I'm disappointed, but not discouraged. "I understand, God," I pray. "This wasn't the door for me. I must choose another path." I glance around the room and chose a door that will do just as well.
This time, I run for the door. Yet again it closes before I reach it. Now, I am discouraged. "Why not, God? Why not this door?" I slump to the floor and bury my head in my knees. Maybe I won't try any more doors. Maybe I'll just sit right here and waste my life away on the floor of despair.
My heart soon stirs within me and I begin to look at the doors once more. Resolutely I choose another.
This time, I do not run. I do not walk. I creep cautiously toward the door. I expect it to close at any moment. The closer I get, the more confident of failure I become. Once again, the door closes as I reach it.
Now I am angry. "But I WANTED this door! I DESERVED this door!" I kick at the door. I beat at it with my fists until they are red with blood. I scream until I have no voice. And then I weep uncontrollably. "If not this door, God, then which one? God, where are you? Do you hear me? Do you care? Which door? Show me. Guide me. Lead me and I will follow."
As my anger fades into grief and my grief grows into determination, I once again look at the doors set before me. Once again I see a door I would like to pursue. I do not walk toward this door. I do not run. I do not creep. I crawl on my knees. I ask God for His guidance along the way.
This time as the door begins to close before me, it stops and a small crack remains open. I look through the door, yet I cannot see what lies beyond it. I am suddenly afraid. Do I dare step through the door and follow a new hidden path?
I look back at the room in which I been. I gaze over the doors that have closed before me and I am filled with a peace that passes all understanding. I know now that God was guiding me, leading me and protecting me. He used closed doors to determine my path. He has been with me all along.
I turn away from the room. I turn my back on the doors that had closed. I now face the one that remains open. With a prayer for strength, I take the first step through the door and down the path through which it leads.
Copyright 2004 Lisa Beaman
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