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Topic: Doors (04/05/04)
TITLE: The Blessing of a Shut Door
By Vanessa Severino
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Here is my story, how my Savior through the power of the Holy Spirit, had his loving hand of protection over my life. Last May, I met this gentleman, whom I was attracted to, a very nice man, but no matter how nice of a guy he was, I still felt way deep in my spirit, He just wasn't the Lord's plan for my life.I also felt it wasn't the Lord's timing for me to be with anybody at the time. I believed in my spirit that the Lord had some molding and shaping to do with me first, before blessing me with the man He has prepared for my life. Yet, I was a lonely single woman, and I disobediently dated this man, against God's will, I stubbornly insisted that this man was just fine, and harmless. It doesnt matter if he was fine and harmless, He still wasnt God's direction for my life, and if Father says no, than its no. I proceeded to date Him, and stubbornly inisted that I could be a blessing in this man's life, and he in mine, but no matter how sweet this man was to me, I just never had a peace about our relationship, or felt completely comfortable with him. No matter what a good time we had with one another, that lack of peace would always return. I would break up with the guy, but then guilt would set in, for breaking his heart, when he never did anything bad, the enemy would use him to say, that i was crazy, and didnt know what i was talking about, that i misinterpeted His voice, that God would never take away someone who cares about you. The enemy tried to even make me feel like a bad Christian for having a preference, by saying, I thought you arent supposed to play favorities, because I felt in my heart, God wanted me with someone a lot more into God than he was. My flesh, and leaning on my own understanding, brought me back into another relationship with this man. The closer I would get to God caused me when even just talking to this man, to make my spirit sick. I felt distracted, I felt like as long as I have hin around, I wont grow as much as I would like to. Even though I felt this was, it was still so hard to break away. You see, I was caught up in a stronghold, that just started with a tiny foothold I gave the devil, when God said to stay away. I stubbornly thought that I alone could help this man, and instead of trusted in what I do not see, I foolishly relied on what I did see.
But even in the midst of all this disobedience, I never gave up hope that the Lord would eventually deliver me from my need to feel I need a man in my life for comfort. Through this trial and tribulation, I came to discover, that I could count on my Jesus to be there for me, guiding me back to where I need to be, speaking to my heart and changing my mind and attitude. Isn't He amazing, that even in the midst of me hurting him, he went right on providing for me just what I needed, he kept on supporting me! What man do you know, that goes right on loving you, even in the middle of you hurting him?
This all started because I leaned too much on men for strength and comfort not enough on God, and what Satan meant for my destruction, God used to reveal His grace is sufficient. This would have been distratrous, if I didn't have the help of the Holy Spirit. We need more than head knowledge, we need the Holy Spirit's help, or we will fall everytime, head knowledge of right or wrong isnt enough, we need the Holy Spirit.
I came to learn of his faithfulness through our trials. Choosing His will, not our own, may not make sense, but Father always knows best and has our best interest at heart. He really does change our minds and hearts. I would be so into this guy, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, this man will suddenly seem so uninteresting, and turn me off, it was so amazing. This man definitely got in the way , because I spent more time being stressed over us, then I spent reading the word, I didnt see it it happening at first. It also took me a while to realize that he had no genuine interest to surrender all to the Lord, believing he exists, and going to church once a week as long as it was convient, and knowing he was was going to heaven was enough for this man. The Lord knows our hearts better than we know our own, He knows I desire a man with a heart for ministry work, one that will dedicate his whole life, abandoning self, to the cause of Christ, I was settling out of unbelief of ever meeting such a man, and out of loneliness and failure to lean on Him through my lonely times, Thank God we have the power of the Holy Spirit's force on our lives, giving us peace or lack of, when we are too stubborn to listen to the words of God, because we get our own opinions and understanding, in the way, like "but he is a nice guy, and he loves me,"
I am so blessed to have received the blessing of a closed door, and I will forever be thankful to him for it. I learned from this is, if he doesnt want us to have it, then we dont want it. His grace is always sufficient for us, and will have all we ever need. So thank Jesus for not giving you what you want, for caring too much about you to do that. Thank him for not only those doors he opened for you, but the ones he shut on you as well.