Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Time-consuming (02/24/11)
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TITLE: One Drop at a Time | Previous Challenge Entry
By vincent lyons
03/01/11 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Which alone we might treat with disdain
But trickles they form on the hilltops
Become torrents that flood on the plain.
The floods make their way to the ocean
Carry with them so much that’s debris—
The humdrum of daily commotion
Becomes flotsam that trashes the sea.
The sea is the lasting expression
Of the droplets all gathered in place;
Sea meeting with sky gives impression
Of the vastness of time and of space.
He spans the wide sea at His leisure
He Who counts all the drops in His hand,
And time He designed as life’s measure,
Every moment by moment He planned.
So often we fret for tomorrow,
Other times we’re bemoaning what’s done,
The present is drowned out in sorrow
And we worry there’s flotsam to come.
This moment’s the one we should treasure;
It’s a drop in an ocean sublime;
As life’s full of drops for our pleasure
Let’s enjoy them one drop at a time.
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If you don't mind some constructive criticism, I have a thought: I felt like this poem was a little "over-rhymed". Because of the number of rhymes you use in your structure, some of the rhymes just end up sounding a little forced.
In spite of that, though, I really like this poem. Keep up the good work!