Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Hard and Soft (04/23/09)
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TITLE: Creation in G Major | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ruth Neilson
04/28/09 -
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The instrument began to sing softly, responding to his coaxing touches. Yes, use me to create life. Softly, gently, he created a new world lost within the new song. It soothed his spirit and he closed his eyes, loosing himself in the new world.
His finger landed wrong and the note went sharp, skewing the direction of the music. He sensed it, and began to move the bow harder over the strings. Death, war, chaos—it ruined his newly formed world. Hot tears flowed down his cheeks, landing on the instrument.
We made life, now, let us destroy it together. Harder, drive me harder, it whispered, and he obeyed the music; pushing it harder, further, and harsher until the notes collided into each other.
Chaotic noise filled the room.
And then there was silence. His arm hung limply at his side, the instrument still cradled between shoulder and chin. Was there more than this to life, too ease a soft melody of life out of nothing, only to destroy it with a hard note?
No! This couldn't be it. There had to be redemption provided.
He lifted the bow again and gently placed it on the strings. His fingers shook as a minor melody filled the room. A haunting song, filled with longing for a rescue. There was a variation occurred hidden deep within the layers of the music, a promise?
Yes, a promise of redemption!
Gradually, the bowing became harder, bolder as once again the melody changed, the inflection now its predominate theme. The notes soared now, triumphant in the story's victory. There was hope once again. Suddenly, he was released from the music’s grip.
Weakly, He released the instrument from its resting spot. He opened his eyes and grimaced. Unfortunately, the hope hadn’t translated into the real world, but it lived in him pounding like a drum, waiting to be released once again.
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Mona
Beautiful!
Red ink: A couple of typos (losing and to, not too). Also there are a few awkward sentence constructions that I thought did not fit in with the rhythm of the piece. One example: "There was a variation occurred hidden deep within the layers of the music, a promise?" I'll be glad to PM you with more if you like.
That's a lovely image.
A lot of strong feelings and conflict conveyed here. Great atmosphere.
Well done.
Loved it!