Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: India (02/12/09)
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TITLE: The Match | Previous Challenge Entry
By Melanie Kerr
02/18/09 -
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Her mother’s joy, her father’s pride
Betrothed she was to Taj Patel
Vows exchanged, with him to dwell
A dowry found of silver things
Of precious gems and golden rings
Greedy Taj demanded more
Than his bride’s modest treasure store
He threatened waving angry fists
His face consumed in raging mists
The Law was not on Taj’s side
His “rights” it solemnly denied
Some folks pandered to his pride
Said perhaps Sadiqua lied
Selfishly concealed her wealth
Buried it with cunning stealth
“She doesn’t love you” whispers said
Words that swam around his head
Deep inside his anger swirled
Through his thoughts it slowly curled
He hatched a plan to vent his rage
He purchased goods and set the stage
The village square where all could see
A chilling sight he’d guarantee
So quick the deed, the oil was flung
To sari silk and flesh it clung
A match ignited cruelly thrown
A wall of flame was upward blown
He smirked, the crowd surrounding gasped
A blanket from a donkey grasped
Water snatched from village well
The flames extinguished as she fell
Sadiqua’s grave is there today
Along with others, sad to say
In India such young girls die
And many fail to question why
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I would suggest adding punctuation; it makes a poem flow more smoothly.
So many women are subject to so many cruelties by men in this sinful world - we need more men of God willing to make a difference in the world.
Keep up the good work!
Choosing Indian names is difficult. Sadiqua and Taj are usually Muslim names. Patel is a Gujarati Hindu last name. Also, you mentioned a grave at the end. Most people in India are cremated.
I liked the double meaning of the title. :)
_Than his bride’s modest treasure store._
doesn't quite fit the rhythmn I don't think but other than that W.O.W.
OMgosh .. The title? And those last 4 stanzas .. Could they be more perfectly haunting?
The jaunty, rhyming format is the ideal contrast to what is actually being said!!
Chilling. Stunning.