Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)
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TITLE: Sister Mouse | Previous Challenge Entry
By Kenn Allan
06/05/07 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
In the walls…
Whiskers twitch…
Hunger calls…
Days are spent in dark of night
Where endless shadows hide her fright—
Creeping in her former tracks
To peek at life through holes and cracks.
Always sick…
Often cold…
Seldom quick…
Never bold…
See her scurry from the sun,
Keeping busy, little done—
Minutes filled with timeless skill
Lest someone spot her standing still.
Empty cheeks…
Narrow view…
Lonely squeaks…
Nothing new…
No one cares or dares to pause
For echoes scratched by frantic claws—
Few have time to lend an ear
To silent cries too high to hear.
Freedom lost…
Chances missed…
Lines are crossed…
Must resist…
Not a crumb nor single hair
Betrays the fact that she is there—
On her shoulders rests no blame
As long as all remains the same.
Bitter tears…
Troubles shared…
Clinging fears…
Running scared…
Nothing ventured, nothing gained,
Deprived of peace our LORD ordained—
No amount of pleadings prayed
Can soothe the soul that lives afraid.
Life’s a blur…
Don’t be grim…
Learn from her…
Trust in Him.
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I think you analyzed your own work perfectly in your hint--but what you neglected to say was that it's also a superb piece of work. Slightly off-target doesn't diminish its value in the least as a perfect little object lesson.
Baybe with illustrations (and the stepped stanzas which are masterly done here) this could impact older children, giving them an appreciation for poetry, as well as the humbler mammals.
A typo, not the common cold. :)