The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/09/06
Good point of view - and some vivid images. I think I like the line with the rifle the best. It reads like a prayer ( is that what lament means?) Very good!!:))
Altogether lovely.
Wow. Talk about a powerful poem. So well-written, too! I won't be surprised if this is in the winner's circle.
11/13/06
Very good, Pat! My time on the grand jury has opened my eyes to people who really do live like this, in inner cities, and it's heartbreaking. In the last verse, maybe "souls" instead of "soul?" Other than that, gorgeous poetry. I don't know if you have nursing experience, but it certainly feel as if you tapped into a nurse's heart.
11/13/06
Simply beautiful, Pat. You've truly captured a true nurse's heart. Well done.
11/13/06
I'm left speechless with the depth of this lament. Beautifully written with power and impact. Awesome ... incredibly awesome!
11/13/06
Masterful wordsmithing. Excelent job.
God bless.
This is excellent. The imagery is awesome. Wow!
11/13/06
Oh wow, Pat - this grabbed me and didn't let go! The images are so stark and realistic and shocking. Amazing!
11/13/06
Please post more of your poems at Poetry and Poets of God: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/poetryandpoetsofgod/
The image of the eyes that cry no tears is a beautifully haunting image, Pat. All of this poem is so powerful and gripping, but those eyes really stay with me. You've truly captured the power of the memories that remain in the mind of someone who deals with death and pain every day. Wonderfully woven words!!
11/15/06
Excellent! I don't usually like this style of writing. You did a GRAND job!
11/15/06
This was so wonderful. I sensed the pulse of the place and of the nurse's life. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Yep, I agree---I think this is another winner. Sounds like you ARE a nurse?
11/16/06
Are you Mother Theresa come back to life?? Teehee, just kidding :) Great job here - you should do more of this.
Great poem - deep and meaningful.
11/16/06
Your format was really effective, and the content was very touching. WELL DONE!
11/19/06
I like the form of this poem and it really tugs at the heart. Great job.