The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/22/06
I like the analogy of mowing your own grass! I wonder if this is somewhat autobiographical? It reads that way.

Just a couple of nit-picky things (being masters) with vocab ... 'Engulfed' and 'the fur (not furry) of a Tasmanian devil' ... but that actually distracted me ... do they have fur??? I thought they were hairy? I'm no expert ... my only criticism is that the analogy was a little too strong to keep my attention on the story.

Well done - it was a good message to calm the souls of many overwhelmed people! Mow your own grass. (Too bad I live in an apartment!)
07/22/06
A very refreshing story. Its nice to read about life in an arena I'm not that familiar with. Very Good Job. I've worked with my share of Sherrifs and Wing Commanders, I can identify some with your characters plight. God Bless!
07/26/06
Putting aside my dislike for politicians, followed by an even more distaste for lobbyists... I really tried to evaluate this story fairly. I liked the "Mowing The Lawn" suggestion...not bad!; but it was the missing "quotation marks", the missing "e" in one...it's the 'little things' that wouldn't even be mentioned in LOWER LEVELS; but Masters? I guess, like Simon Cowell, I expected more.
07/26/06
You use the words "was" and "had" a lot, plus lots of "ing" words. Try getting rid of those by turning things like "was becoming" into "became" or "was finding" into "found." This will make your writing stronger. Keep writing!