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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Great (07/06/06)

TITLE: Crimson Tears
By J. C. Lamont
07/11/06


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The needle shook in her trembling hand. She could feel the prick against her arm. Her heart raced, even her mouth started salivating just at the thought. Her whole body knew what was coming next. It wanted it. Bad.

She had tried to make it through another day, she really had. But the pain had become unbearable. The old couple walking hand in hand near the gardens, a young father in the park pushing his daughter on the swing, two young teens entangled in each other on the corner; scenes that cut open the scars imprinted on her soul. Broken pieces of her childhood that still haunted her. Reminders of the shallow, emptiness of her life. A void so deep her soul cried crimson tears.

She just wanted to escape the pain. Just for the night. Just for a moment. One moment of not feeling the holes in her soul. Of not feeling them bleed.

Her thumb pressed against the syringe but she hesitated. Her mind screamed: Just do it. Just press it in. It’ll stop the pain. It always does.

Her voice was barely a whisper. "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.”

She repeated the verse over and over again. Her hand faltered. She gripped the needle in a clenched fist. Tears built up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. "I don't want this pain. I don't want it! Can’t You hear me?"

She rocked back and forth hugging her knees to her chest, pressing her forehead into them until it hurt. Yet still she refused the tears.

“Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.”

She hoped the words would give her comfort, maybe even strength, but all she felt was the angry frustration at being denied relief. She hurled the needle across the room and let out a muffled scream.

Walking across the room, she felt numb, defeated. Squirting the heroin into the toilet bowl, she watched her only chance of alleviating the pain flush down the pipes.

She wanted to yell out to Him - “There! Are you happy?” - but she refrained. As she retreated under the covers, her body shivered from the emotional battle yet she muttered a half-hearted thank you.

She felt a cool wetness where her cheek met the pillow. She could no longer hold back the tears. “Please,” she whispered into the darkness. “Please take the pain away. Someday. Please.”


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This article has been read 1192 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Helen Paynter07/13/06
Powerful writing with hope but no easy answers. Excellent.
Lynda Lee Schab 07/14/06
Very real writing but I felt like it ended too abruptly. Although she took the first step in breaking her addiction, I would have liked to see some hope for the woman. But that's just me. Otherwise a strong piece.
Mark Anthony Belosa07/14/06
Powerful writing and quite realistic... it gripped me...
Marilyn Schnepp 07/15/06
Obviously this writer has either Been There & Done That, or intimately knows somebody who has - as it is portrayed so realisticly. Needs a more satisfying ending (just this Readers opinion, however)- but I loved the Title. Nice job.
Melanie Kerr 07/15/06
I liked the way that you avoided the instant answers – very brave writing! Doing the right thing does not always lead to an easier life.
Angela Logsdon07/17/06
You really captured the struggle of an addict. Well done!
Jesus Puppy 07/17/06
One can truly feel the bleeding of a heart here. A very well done piece. May god's bless go to the writer.
Rita Garcia07/17/06
Powerful writing! Felt every emotion, and hung on to every word.
Brenda Craig07/17/06
She felt a cool wetness where her cheek met the pillow

I loved this line. He saves our every tear. Wonderful writing. Brenda
Donna Haug07/17/06
Very believable. I can't imagine such intense struggles! Loved this line: "A void so deep her soul cried crimson tears."
Jan Ackerson 07/18/06
You brought us right into the room--right into her soul, in fact. The only thing that might improve this would be to italicize some of her internal thoughts--but that's just a personal preference. This is masterfully written.
Trina Courtenay07/18/06
'A void so deep her soul cried crimson tears.' - WOW!
T. F. Chezum07/19/06
Very good story. Great job.
janet rubin07/20/06
wonderful job capturing the strugle of addiction. Not only that, but the source of addiction. This girl wasn't looking to feel good- she was looking to NOT feel bad. The things we let enslave us are our attempts at avoiding pain, but yes, there is something greater! Terrific.
Trina Courtenay07/20/06
I'm so glad this placed J.C.!
Congrats on your win!
Rita Garcia07/20/06
Congratulations on your EC win!!
Anita Neuman07/20/06
Congratulations on your win! I'm SOOOO glad you're back! I think your ending was perfect - you didn't wrap it up neatly (that would have discredited the realism of the story), but the victory of that moment was the whole point. Fabulous, masterful writing.
Julianne Jones07/21/06
Another of my many favourites in this challenge. Great writing!