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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Abundance (06/08/06)

TITLE: Tiffany-Twisted
By Joanne Malley
06/10/06


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Tiffany-Twisted



She awakens to another day
where she will live her dream,
of men and jewels and escapades
fit only for a queen.

Her day begins with private treats
as well as pampered thrills,
her bath is drawn, her body’s drenched
with thousand dollar bills.

Her toes that peek above the foam
are manicured in peach,
her body’s silken to the touch
each pleasure’s hers to reach.

A wardrobe waits upon her bed
of designer clothes galore,
she’ll choose the one that guarantees
all men will want her more.

There’s not one thing that she desires
that she’ll not call her own,
and though she’ll hold them in her grasp
abundance she’ll not know.

With bills that line her costly purse
she’ll satisfy her lust,
for all that is not needed;
for all she cannot trust.

She awakens to another day
where she will find no truth,
those items fill an empty space
in the soul of her barren youth.

Her shallow eyes have yet to see
another who’s in need
they only seem to focus
on her selfish, greedy deeds.

She’s never thought to share her worth
with the lowly and the poor,
she only holds the empty desire
to own and acquire more.

But suddenly her eyes are clear
to view the things she owns,
acquisitions that hold no value -
empty promises were only sown.

Perhaps one day she’ll find the path
led by abundance, peace and love,
but will she ever notice Him
as He watches from above?

For there’s no soul too far away
that God cannot restore,
true worth and meaning to our lives
comes from He who gives us more.

She awakens to another day
her eyes peak toward the Son,
the heavens gleam with glory
as another soul’s been won.

Now true abundance is hers to own
for God has altered her dream,
her focus is fixed on heaven’s jewels
given by His majesty for His queen.


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This article has been read 1008 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Debbie OConnor06/15/06
Great title and message.
Amy Michelle Wiley 06/15/06
My favorite lines are "for all that is not needed;
for all she cannot trust." Good job!
Sherry Wendling06/15/06
Nice comparison with the "jewel" and "queen" images! You kept the rhyrhm moving, too. Did you mean to say her eyes "peak" or her eyes "peek?" Strong, clear message!
Melanie Kerr 06/17/06
A good poem and right on topic. The opening four verses really set the scene. I thought that you did not always maintain the rhythm or meter.

I think that for me, when it comes to writing rhyming poetry there is a tendency to write lots of verses, simply because I can, and those extra verses may not really add to the message I am trying to get across.
Sharlyn Guthrie06/17/06
The Tiffanys of this world are abundant and so in need of a Savior! Your poem is descriptive and true. The rhythm was good, but broke down in a few places. Overall, a great read.
Pat Guy 06/17/06
Loved the story in poetry - a great accomplishment in itself, and very enjoyable to read.

Linda Watson Owen06/18/06
Wonderful approach to the topic of abundance!...and so relevant to this modern, 'Hollywood' style crazed culture!
Maxx .06/20/06
I read this earlier and never guessed it was yours, JoJo. Excellent change of style. I can't give poetry tips myself, lol, for obvious reasons, but I think this is very strong. Great job!
Sally Hanan06/21/06
You had some great thoughts in these lines, and I'd encourage you to spend the time on it that you wanted to to polish it more because it is a good 'un.
Suzanne R06/21/06
Oh, the idea of that bath with the scented bubble bath ... ooh, I can almost feel it......

Excellent content, and as for poetry - wow - I admire anyone who can write it!

One little piece, perhaps, of constructive criticism is this line: "She’s never thought to share her worth
with the lowly and the poor." I wasn't so impressed with Tiffany up to that point, so was surprised to read 'worth' and wondered whether you meant 'wealth'. But then as I read the rest of the poem, I wondered if maybe you had meant worth?

Anyhow, great writing - well done! Oh - and the title is very clever.
Jan Ackerson 06/21/06
I love the title, and the teensy inconsistancies in rhythm didn't really bother me; most could be read as "grace notes." If you're musical at all, that'll make sense to you. If not--suffice it to say that you've done a great job here, poetically. My only quibble is with the story line--perhaps a bit on the predictable side.
Dr. Sharon Schuetz06/21/06
You did a great job on this one. The message was great, as was the delivery.
John Hunt06/28/06
Nicely written and rhymed!
Nice job!