The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
06/09/06
Beautifully, sensitively written. I'm not sure if you ran out of words, but I felt the ending was a little abrupt - perhaps needed another couple of sentences. But otherwise, I loved it.
"A little child shall lead them." How tenderly this story ends, following the buildup, the powerful description of the immense inner pressure of sorrow! It's clear you have been there; and you made me feel it, too. Oh, for the compassion of the little daughter, who instinctively knew she must "Weep with those who weep!" Well done!
This was heart breaking! You wrote with such passion and used beautiful words to describe the tragedy of this situation. It's even more powerful now that I now the story that prompted you to write this one. Beautiful job karen.
06/15/06
This was awesome Karen. I think, to make it even better it needs to have equal amounts of dialogue, emotional descriptions, and regular descriptions. There was a lot of emotional description in the begining paragraphs that could have been broken up a little more so as not to focus on one aspect of the story so much.